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Review #4733994
Viewing a review of:
 Pushing Time  [E]
We always think we have enough time, for whatever we need to fix. Don't let time slip.
by jayesandz
Review of Pushing Time  
In affiliation with Positive Hearts Reviews Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


Hi jayesandz .

I'm JACE - House Targaryen , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Pushing Time" .

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. Again, welcome to Writing.Com. It looks like you've received a plethora of reviews of your poetry. While I primarily enjoy reviewing short stories, I'm trying to expand beyond my comfort zone with poem reviews.

I enjoyed reading your offering about the apparent estrangement between your brother and you. Your format and rhyming pattern was easy to read.

My brother was also two years younger than I and he passed away a few years ago. We were not estranged, per se; but we weren't close either. I wished we'd talked more.

How many times do we read about things left unsaid when someone passes? Hopefully we learn from others before it affects us.

I have a few points I'll list below regarding some issues with punctuation and grammar.

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet* I feel that use of a semi-colon is certain spots would be more appropriate, or provide more emphasis. For example:

 My grudge gave me anger, Now I'm left here sad.   My grudge gave me anger; Now I'm left here sad.

 I love you my brother, I miss you too.   I love you, my brother; I miss you too.

         *Bullet* Reading this line threw me a bit. Your brother is no longer able to see anything through. I believe I understand what you were trying to say -- it just seemed off.  I'm going to make you proud, you will see this through.   I'm going to make you proud; I will see this through.

*Star* My Rating.  4.5. 

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

For the group

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