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Review #4734305
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Rated: | (4.5)
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Hi Kevic .

I'm JACE - House Targaryen , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Invalid Item" .

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. I found your offering on the Read & Review feature. Your title tells what your poem is about; your Item Description was a bit lacking--it should entice a reader.

I noticed you changed your rhyming pattern from the first to the second stanza--from a-b-a-b to a-a-b-b. Was there a reason for the change?

It's funny. I've seen trees as Fall closes with a single leaf fluttering in the breeze, and not thought much about it ... except that Winter approaches. You saw it differently. And that makes the difference. Kudos.

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet* I stumbled over this line. Confide doesn't seem to fit for me. A suggestion follows.  does this confide him? no  does this comfort him? no

         *Bullet*  Poetry is a personal medium. While I found the lack of punctuation distracting, I reserve your right to create as you see fit.    

*Star* My Rating.  4.5. 

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

For the group

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