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Review #4738429
Viewing a review of:
 
Tomorrow Never Comes  [E]
We all intend to do things, most of them tomorrow. When is that going to happen? Never.
by Lone Cypress Workshop
Review by JACE
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
An Angel Army Review



Hi Lone Cypress Workshop .

I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Tomorrow Never Comes" .

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. Truer words were never spoken. You were spot on with these words. I certainly never thought about tomorrow in this sense. There's definitely a lot to think about with respect to our three timeframes.

I question the layout for your essay. Your first two paragraphs dealt with Tomorrow, which was easy enough to follow. But your final paragraph bounced around among the Past, Today and Tomorrow. It just seemed a bit disjointed to read.

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet* I understand an occasional use of a sentence fragment. Yet beginning with your second sentence in the third paragraph, you run with three consecutive fragments. It distracted me reading them.    

         *Bullet* You added ~ proverbs ~ after your first title listed in the text body. Was there a specific Proverbs reference to be mentioned? And why list the title twice?    

*Star* My Rating.  4.0. 

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

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