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Review #4738690
Viewing a review of:
 Humpty Dumpty Trumpty  [13+]
a political satire
by turtlemoon-dohi
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Hi turtlemoon-dohi .

I'm JACE - House Targaryen , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Humpty Dumpty Trumpty"  in honor of your WDC anniversary. I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. Penned shortly after former President Trump's Inauguration Day, I have to wonder if you saw what a great number of people didn't. Your satiric wit seems to be more popular presently.

And I certainly don't ascribe to the MAGA supporters advocating what a great society we had under Trump's auspices. If my children treated others as he did/does, they would have been disciplined. I do hope real Americans of all ethnicities wake up in time to save our country.

Sorry for the rant; you don't need to hear me go on.

I love your title. That really says it all. You wrote a two-stanza poem with an a-b-a-b rhyme pattern. You paint a vivid picture in just a few lines of what the world sees if they but open their eyes. For me, however, the meter was not as easy to read.

Fact checking tells the true tale of the wall, and other claims.

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet* While reading your second line the first time, I actually read in my mind: stood solely on his beautiful built border wall.  I had transposed 'border' and 'built'.  May I suggest that change?

*Star* My Rating.  Review only; no rating provided.

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering, and I look forward to seeing you around in the coming year. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.

Reviewed by
JACE

A new Anniversary Review signature to use, courtesy of [Link To User legerdemain]



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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 03/27/2024 @ 1:58pm EDT
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