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 Review #4740764 |
 | Hell Train  [18+] A young boy has a train ride he will never forget.  |
  The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Review of Hell Train by W.P. Gerace This one starts well and then gradually degenerates as events start happening without reason or connectivity, so that it ends in a crescendo of confusion. It's as though you started with the intention of writing something excellent but became tired and eventually just wanted to finish the thing as soon as possible. Don't worry - I've been there myself and that's why I recognise the symptoms. The main problem is that, in your hurry to get to the end, you don't allow time for the story to develop in a way that the reader can follow and believe. The way to avoid this is to be prepared to put the thing aside when you become tired or run out of immediate ideas. Just going away and thinking about it for a day or two can get things sorted in your mind, and you will return to it with fresh energy. Allow the reader time to appreciate what's happening in the story too. To have the narrator wake up to a robbery, immediately witness the horror of a man's failed attempt to intervene, and then suddenly the narrator is in Vegas learning to be a demon hunter, it's all too fast and loses its impact as a result. Build up slowly to the more dramatic events in the story, allow your descriptions to be accurate without resorting to unlikely similarities. And think about the picture you're putting into the reader's mind. For instance: "The creature raised his burned hands and thanked everyone for all the goodies. It was fun, and then he disappeared into a dark mist." What you've been describing can hardly be called fun. It might have been for the creature but that's not obvious from the text. To the reader it's at odds with what he's just read. Make it clearer that this was the creature's thought. The story needs some work but it's not a complete loss. Work a little on the second half so that the pace remains the same as in the first, and you'll have a good story. Review by  Beholden for
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You responded to this review 04/13/2024 @ 5:39pm EDT