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 Review #4740898 |
 | Don't step on the brain  [E] Something written instead of the real thing  |
| (4.0)  This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" ! Hi spoedniek .I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Don't step on the brain" . The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  Overall Impression. I have never heard of Boltzmann or his theory. I looked up this theory, and have come to the conclusion that perhaps one should no longer be surprised at anything new. Then again, maybe this is my take on the current state of societal affairs.All in all, your offering was a very interesting read. Indeed, I had to read and re-read it a couple times. Ok ... several times. To be sure, this is not one's usual storyline with the beginning, middle and ending. Part of my rereading was due to the rather choppy and disjointed sentence structure. I had to really take my time to be sure I understood what I was reading. I'm pretty sure my brain would not be one that popped into existence in the posited Boltzmann world.  Editorial Thoughts.  I think your opening line is inspired. So much so that it should be a paragraph by itself. Maybe this is my brain, one unwilling or incapable of a deep dive into things more theoretical in nature. Ofttimes when the thinking gets really deep, I get going to somewhere else, some place easier to understand.While you may be speaking of your brain as a substitute for Boltzmann, I just as easily substitute my own. Part of what makes my jumbled thoughts unable to discern a pattern in your article is actually quite simple: long paragraphs. I'm a reader who when deep thinking is required to understand what I'm reading, I need space to process. This means smaller paragraphs with space between them. Perhaps your final synopsis is inventive. Spending time just thinking, detached from everyday actions, allowing one's mind to wander, as it were, may reveal patterns that guide us to what we may need and who we really are.  Technical Considerations. This section relates to the mechanics of your writing. Make this line stronger by using a colon to separate what you want to say from the actual command. No matter that the sign says, commands, Exit. No matter that the sign says ... commands: Exit! You need a comma after man. Boltzmann was a smart man which is just as well.  My Rating. 4.0.  Thank you for sharing your offering.
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You responded to this review 04/06/2024 @ 8:16am EDT