%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4740912 |
 | Mira's Fire  [E] Three content creators find more than they planed.  |
| (4.0)| Hallo Foxtrot Victor ! I will be reviewing your work "Mira's Fire" on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"  Content: Legend has it that the Moses family cemetery is given a wide berth by the locals. It's not recommended for folks to go visiting for no reason, but that doesn't seem to stop a trio of YouTubers. Their quest for adventure ends up in a most unexpected and fiery way. Pluses:This is flash fiction, which means I cannot expect as much detail to flesh out the story. However, you managed to describe the setting quite well with this particular section: >>It’s summer on Lake Pontchartrain. The night air is warm, wet, and still. Curtains of Spanish moss hang from ancient live oaks, while a full moon casts a ghostly glow upon sixteen weathered gravestones. Excellent attention to detail in just a few lines. You can feel the thickness and mystery in the air while reading. Another section that caught my attention was: >>Lucent lights glaring, their cameras recording, the interlopers wade into the fog. Taking separate paths, they weave among moss-covered markers. With each step, sullen sounds shatter sacred silence. As I mentioned earlier, it is not easy to pack in so much information in a flash fiction. One has to rely on word economy, and you are able to tell so much in such few lines. Suggestions:Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. >>“Come to me, child.” The flaming female form beckons. Perhaps you could try: "Come to me, child," the flaming female form beckons. Since the female form is speaking to Emily, correct? >>Matt drops his camera gear, and charges to save her. Delete the comma. >>But, upon reaching the trench, an unseen Once upon a time, I was told it was not proper to start sentences with the word 'but'. So consider alternatives like 'however', or just doing away with it altogether as the sentence reads just fine without it.    Kudos to being able to pack so much information into a flash tale. The ending seemed a bit predictable, but it still doesn't deter us from feeling the fear and despair from your characters. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing!   Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/02/2024 @ 4:24am EDT