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Review #4740969
Viewing a review of:
 The Gift  [E]
A mysterious gift by an unlikely delivery agent
by J.R. PETE
Review of The Gift  
Review by Jayne
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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This is a "Game of Thrones review!



Hello, J.R. PETE!

*Checkb*Overall Impression:
This a cozy story about the power of love and was an enjoyable read.

*Checkb*Title and Description:
This is a fairly common title, but that doesn't mean there's anything inherently wrong with it. I like the description. It provides some mystery and intrigue and will pique the reader's interest. You may want to consider replacing "by" with "from".

*Checkb*Hook and plot:
Since the story is so short, you could change the first paragraph around so the hook of the scarecrow is closer to the beginning. Still, I recognize that would pose challenges with the part about not remembering she had no vegetable garden. It doesn't break the flow of the story to leave it as is, and the length of the piece should keep most readers on the page for its entirety.

The story moved logically (as logically as is possible with a mysterious disappearing scarecrow!) until reaching its resolution.

*Checkb*Characters and dialogue:
With no dialogue, the story depends on the author's narrative of setting and action. Becca was believable in a horror-movie type of way. I wouldn't personally go out and investigate a freaky scarecrow in the middle of the night, even if it was enticing me with shiny objects. However, it's fiction, so our characters have a lot of leeway depending on the genre, right? It had just enough tension to keep my interest without worrying if it was going to become too heavy. It's a good balance.

*Checkb*Grammar and Mechanics:
Your verb tense changes midway through the story and it's very distracting when it switches to present tense. I would redo the second beginning with "Disgusted" and align the writing with the first half to keep the story flowing properly.

*Checkb*Final Thoughts:
You've done a great job in a tight word count and communicated the complete story of long-time love.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

Jayne *Smile*



My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim



The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and, therefore, do not necessarily reflect the group, activity, and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/02/2024 @ 1:21pm EDT
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