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Review #4741002
Viewing a review of:
 Hare Trigger  [ASR]
A know-it-all faces off against the unknown-at-all. (a Michael Reeve wizard story)
by BD Mitchell
Review of Hare Trigger  
Review by Jeremy
In affiliation with WRITING.COMmunity Service  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


Hello BD Mitchell

You are receiving this review of "Hare Trigger in connection with "Game of Thrones.


*Gem* Areas of Strength

This was quite the entertaining read! It had fantastic elements of fantasy and comedic relief at just the right moments.

The story has a whimsical and playful tone that is engaging and charming. The interaction between Michael and Ashlynn is humorous and endearing, making the characters relatable and likable. I love that even though Ashlynn plays the cliche of damsel in distress and housewife-in-need, you still present it in a way that feels fresh and free of the stereotypical tropes. I'm also intrigued by Michael being a professional wizard who has yet to really use any magic. The source of his power appears to be intellect. He's like Sherlock Holmes if Holmes was a magician.

The use of a jackalope (a rabbit with antlers) as the source of the haunting problem is unique and added a fun twist to the story. Michael lists off a myriad of other creatures that could be causing the haunting and crosses each off like he's going down a laundry list. It's impressive and shows a keen mastery in your ability to worldbuild.

Another thing I wanted to commend you on is your dialogue. The dialogue in this short story is well-written and helps to develop the characters and advance the plot. It's engaging, entertaining, and a few interactions made me genuinely laugh. That's a skill not many possess and you wield it with ease and finesse.

The mention of the antique battle trident, asking the jackalope to just leave them alone and getting the creature's answer, and the use of singing Roy Rogers to scare the jackalope away were all highly funny bits in this piece. Terrific inclusions.



*Gem* Areas for Improvement

The story could benefit from more descriptive language to enhance the atmosphere and setting. This would help create a more immersive experience for the reader. It wouldn't have to be much. Just a bit here and there to ground the scene in reality. What does the setting look like, what does Michael look like, etc. A few remarks sprinkled through the story would really enhance it.

I know this isn't a stand alone tale, but I'd advise you to consider adding just a bit more backstory or context to explain Michael's profession as a wizard and how it relates to the events in the story. This would provide a clearer understanding of the character and his abilities. As I mentioned above, he's a professional wizard but he isn't shown using any magic. Is he the magic world's version of the Ghostbusters? *Laugh*

The ending feels a bit rushed and could be expanded to provide a more satisfying conclusion. Adding a bit more dialogue or interaction between the characters after the resolution could add depth to the story and make for a better segway to another entry in Michael's journey as a professional wizard.



*Snow2*          *Swords*          *Snow4*          *Swords*          *Snow2*


Let your imagination run wild and set your creativity free.

We are the Free Folk.

We do not kneel.




DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed within this review are the sole product of the reviewer. They do not necessarily reflect those of the group, activity and/or event in which they are affiliated. Any implementation of suggested edits is at the sole discretion of the piece's writer; they may be used when and where deemed necessary by the writer of the piece and/or disregarded in their entirety. The reviewer releases any and all rights and/or claims to those suggestive edits should they be utilized by the writer of the piece.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/03/2024 @ 4:40pm EDT
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