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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4741916
Review #4741916
Viewing a review of:
The Big Race  [ASR]
We're lucky there WAS a winner.
by Legerdemain
Review of The Big Race  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
House Florent Image for G.o.T.
 
GROUP
The Iron Bank of Braavos  (13+)
For G.o.T. Activity
#1994693 by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation
"Game of Thrones Hello! my name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes.
Title: The Big Race
First Impression: I loved the initial suspense. What were the three men betting with? What were the stakes? The third competitor "only had six" with which to gamble. Their physical descriptions were not at all favourable or flattering. The "chicken leg" referee did not seem like a fine specimen of a male either. I was hooked by the build-up and curiosity as to the big race.
What needs your attention: Well, I did catch a spelling mistake, or typo if you will. "Phlem" is supposed to be "phlegm." It is kind of an ugly word for an ugly bodily thing, eh? That is it, I have no other corrections, or suggestions for improvement. Do not change anything! This action-packed thriller reads well.
What part I liked best: I love the suspense, the comedy and the non-stop action of this piece of writing. Of course, I had to read the entire story to learn what the gentlemen had wagered I guffawed when it was revealed to be doughnuts and that the contestants were at a weight loss camp. You used strong verbs to describe their efforts of strength, speed and agility, or more realistically, the lack thereof. I am sorry/not sorry that I tee-heed about their struggle and the injuries that side-lined two of them. All of this effort for a handful of sugary treats and bragging rights. Oh, and the race itself was not a cross-country run, or a marathon.
Overall Impression: That episode with the obnoxious referee blowing spittle upon the winner is comedy gold. Thanks for the laughs! I shall never regard doughnuts in the same, familiar light ever again. This is a great bit of humourous writing and I can envision it as a sketch comedy skit.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure! What does the fox say??? Listen carefully. (1943 characters)
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