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Review #4742554
Viewing a review of:
 Message in a Bottle  [E]
A man finds a bottle on a beach with a desperate plea for help
by Detective
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Detective

*Dragon* This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" ! *Dragon*

Disclaimer


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.


What I liked:

*Bulletr* Straight away, you launch into the intrigue of this story with Robert finding the bottle with a message inside and taking it home to read. I was hooked right there. I would have taken that bottle home, too. Who wouldn't love to find a message in a bottle washed up on the shore?

*BulletR* There were a few things that made me laugh in this. Firstly, Albert Tross as the message writer. Great name! Also, the part where Albert writes it is like being in an episode of Scoooby Doo made me chuckle. That doesn't sound so bad. They always win in the end, and, hey, I think spending time with that giant dog would be kind of cool.


Suggestions: In general, I didn't feel like this story is finished. You do a wonderful job with creating intrigue and mystery surrounding what terrible things are happening at Pine Marten Inn, but then you don't resolve any of it. I wondered if there had been a word count limit when you wrote it? I also have a few grammatical suggestions, and I have put them in a dropnote so you can read them at leisure, if you wish.
Grammar / Typo Suggestions ▼


Parting comments: This is an enjoyable, little story. I would love to read a longer version because I want to know who has been murdered, and why, and by whom. I could see this as one of those psychological thrillers where ten people go to the reunion, but only seven come home again. This is a great set-up for a longer story.



Choconut
My House Targaryen Sig. for Game of Thrones, 2024.


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