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Review #4742993
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Night of the Fireflies  [13+]
Andrea captures something more than she bargained for
by iKïyå§ama-House Targaryen
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Review of Night of the Fireflies by iKïyå§ama-House Targaryen

What a delightful little tale. Not outstandingly imaginative but it's for children, and we wouldn't want to shock them with too much innovation, would we?

I was particularly interested in how you pitched the language since that's an important aspect of writing for children. Things like complexity of language used and the likelihood of certain words being understood. I found you to be extremely good at this aspect - nothing much to carp at anywhere. I did wonder briefly at "gossamer" but, on consideration, decided that they're going to meet it at some stage in children's literature (which is the one place you can guarantee it appearing) so it gets a nod.

The writing is very good without serious errors or typos. I have just a few comments and quibbles, however.

"...closed the flaps shut..." Redundant. One can hardly close them open.

"slinked" The past tense of "slink" is "slunk."

"...no distinction between the male of female genders." Typo.

I've been picky about these because we have to set a good example before the children. Not good to give them wrong ideas.

Your writing and voice is so attractive that I'm not going to deduct half a star from my rating for the quibbles. I'm aware that it's written for the current contest and under extreme pressure. As such it's remarkably free of error. And a quite beautiful piece, too.

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