*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4744451
Review #4744451
Viewing a review of:
The 'Fun' in Funeral  [18+]
A very real family funeral! My 2-year old great-nephew and I surprise each other.
by SandraLynn Team Florent!
Review by JACE
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



Hi SandraLynn Team Florent! .

I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "The 'Fun' in Funeral"  in honor of your WDC anniversary. Congratulations on your tenth years here.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

*Note1* Overall Impression. You opening was spot on. I felt exactly the same way with my father's funeral. Even without an illness, just the process of meeting with the funeral home, taking care of the services while still numb with loss, and dealing with all the people. It's overwhelming.

My wife and I recently pre-paid for our funerals so our children wouldn't have to go through all that. I'm sure things will be emotional enough without that added turmoil.

I've never considered myself to be an emotional person. Often it's hard to express things even to loved ones ... though I'm getting better. I'd prepared the eulogy for my Dad. But I couldn't deliver it. Couldn't do it. The Pastor had to read it. I applaud your bravery.

I appreciate the bits of humor you injected into your emotional offering. I firmly believe humor overcomes all manner of trials and tribulations. Your discussion of hugging and its inevitability was inspired. Just the thought of hugging from many I didn't even know was a tough pill to swallow.

Well done with the sprinkling of "f's" throughout your story. I loved that you kept coming back to them.

My wife had better not pre-decease me ... I plan on attending no more funerals before my own. *Shock*

*Writer* Editorial Thoughts. 

         *Bullet* I'm afraid the way these two lines were written caused me to stumble while reading them. I thought both lines referred to her "slow motion struggle" yet they were so different it just seemed awkward.  She'd been slogging and slipping through mud in skates. In a pair of stilettos, she'd teetered and tottered up a steep rocky mountain.   Did both refer to that struggle?

         *Bullet* I wonder if her pulse would really be so steady.    

         *Bullet* You mention your niece's dread without citing she had a dread to begin with. It seemed out of place.    

*Exclaim* Technical Considerations. This section relates to the mechanics of your writing.

         *Bullet* The 'process' is perfect for the use of dashes surrounding the specifics you're explaining.  entire process; the illness, the death, the visitation, and now ...  entire process--the illness, the death, the visitation--and now ...

         *Bullet* One final note. Separate this sentence into two distinct sentences, It will make Conner's sentence much stronger and emphasize his part.  I put the spectacle in your respectable service, but Conner put the 'fun' in 'funeral'.  But Conner put the 'fun' in 'funeral'.

*Star* My Rating.. 

*Heart* Thank you for sharing your offering.

Reviewed by

Personal GoT Sigil
A new Anniversary Review signature to use, courtesy of [Link To User legerdemain]



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/13/2024 @ 11:01am EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4744451