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 Review #4744461 |
 | A Christmas Story  [18+] Joe's spending Christmas Eve at Uncle Spud's body shop when his ex,Mary Sue, shows up PG.  |
| Hallo Max Griffin 🏳️🌈 ! I will be reviewing your work "A Christmas Story" on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"  Content: This is yet another story prompted by this (dare I say mythical!) writing group that gives you assignments I'd be sobbing over before submitting.  How on earth is one to sneak in the choice words for the week into a story without sounding too pretentious? paresthisia, parthenogenesis, and psithurism (thank goodness you explained what they meant, I was already heading for the dictionary). Pluses:And yet with such 'big' words, you manage to sneak them into a plot that doesn't even attempt to be a cohesive fit when said out loud; Southern hicksville. Our narrator, is as you said, a good ol' boy indeed. I truly enjoyed the tone of this and the way you managed to maintain the atmosphere of the story's location; via their dialect and mannerisms. Again, the imagery was well done, and I could clearly see each character and their personalities reflected as I read along. The plot itself, for all its silliness, boils down to the simple and almost touching realization that our boy is still head over heels for our prego Mary Sue. Nothing brings past lovers like a good ol' birth scene in the back of a car on Christmas Day, eh? As for your challenge to spot some of the song references in the story, here's what I found: 1. when she lost her lovin’ feelin’ (the Righteous Brothers) 2. she was still a virgin (hmm? 'Like a Virgin' by Madonna?) 3. better watch out. Better not lie, neither. I’m tellin’ you why (Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer) 4. But she's always a woman to me. (Billie Joel) 5. All the leaves were brown and the sky was gray. (Mommas and Papas - California Dreamin') 6. she was wearin’ blue velvet (Bobby Vinton?) 7. Away in a back seat, no crib for his bed, (Away in a Manger? Haha!) 8. We named him Jesse. (hah! 'Jessie's Girl' by Rick Springfield...yes? No?) The use of 'Cousin Vinny' could be a blatant reference to the movie, not sure if I've heard any song on it though. Also 'Mary Sue'...could be a song as well. That name is just so typically Southern. Some other lines stood out to me, but I just woke up and I don't intend to go googling every single one of them to find out.  Clever idea though, and you pulled it off without sounding too awkward or out of place with them. Suggestions:Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. >>In (I) went into the church - >>Don't know if you finally managed to wheedle it down to 1000 words as you wanted, but maybe less of the lines with the song references. I know you're trying to get them all in there, but the section where he goes to the church, for example, could be condensed a bit.    Overall, this was a fun read - and I see what you did there at the end of the story too! Hah! - Keep on writing!   Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You last responded to this review 04/13/2024 @ 10:04am EDT