*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4744600
Review #4744600
Viewing a review of:
Hey! COME BACK WITH MY KID!  [E]
A visit to Fishermen's Wharf followed by Cable Car pandemonium, frays a family's nerves.
by ԜԜ On The Road Again!
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello ԜԜ On The Road Again!! This review is given on behalf of "Game of Thrones" .

*Reading* A light-hearted story that addresses what could have been a serious situation. When you talked at first about going to Fisherman's Wharf, I thought you were in Monterey, California. I have always wanted to visit San Francisco. That is until you said there's a lot of walking. I can handle walking, but I live in Florida, and we're not used to huge hills. *Rolling*

The Title and Description - Such a great, funny title. It definitely grabbed my attention. Your synopsis description pulled me in to read on!

The Storyline/Plot - A family of seven rides the trolley car, and when they're told to jump off, six of them do, but one gets left behind. It's a preteen girl, whose father flips out when he sees the trolley car traveling down the highway with his kid. He runs after the trolley, screaming and hollering. Luckily, everything turns out alright. The story is told with humor and light-heartedness that makes you laugh. But it also shows the seriousness of having an emergency plan in case of separation.

The Setting - You do a good job describing the details so that the reader can imagine each scene as we read.

What I Liked Best - The part of the preteen getting left in the car, when she realizes it, and the parents do at the same time. I could see her eyes widen and the father running, screaming, and cursing at the trolley driver trying to retrieve his preteen daughter safely.

Suggestions - You have a lot of extra spaces between words.

mother-in law

mother-in-law


Thanks so much for sharing this story with us. I enjoyed it.

*Heart* Tracey

"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister
House Lannister image for G.o.T.



The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4744600