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 Review #4744641 |
 | The Arrogance Will Be Costly  [13+] About a swing. Originally for 100 Words of Horror, the expanded version is present here.  |
| (4.5)| Hallo elizjohn ! I will be reviewing your work "The Arrogance Will Be Costly" for "Game of Thrones"  Content: This is a short story written for a contest where the original word limit was set to 100 - that alone is a feat - but it's the subject matter that's striking and should leave the reader troubled. Pluses:As I mentioned above, it's not easy to write a whole story in just 100 words, but you state that you had to expand it a little, and I'm glad you did. There isn't a lot in the way of descriptions, but through mostly dialogue and a few choice words, you've managed to set the tone for this. There's an ominous and dark heaviness with every sentence; the inexplicable fear that is rampant within the villagers and horrific sight after horrific sight is revealed. From what's left of the playground, we can already have an idea of what terrible event occurred there, and you did a great job creating that. The characters themselves were also very well done. Again, not much in description, but from the way each speaks, we can already feel their panic, concern, and of course rage and what has transpired. All this is now transferred to the village elder, who has apparently not been as proactive as he could have been to protect his people. His procrastination on appeasing their god - or whatever it is that's responsible for the gruesome deaths of their children - will need to be rectified quickly or there's the possibility of it happening again. Suggestions:Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. I realize this was written a long time ago, but it does beg for even more details! Now, I'm dying to know what monster(s) was behind all of that, and if any resolution will come to the villagers. There is plenty of story there just waiting to be explored.    Thanks for the fun read, and keep on writing!   Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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