*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4745659
Review #4745659
Viewing a review of:
Deserted island  [ASR]
Friends find the unexpected during their dream vacation
by Maryann
Review of Deserted island  
Review by Annette
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
A "Game of Thrones review from
The Free Folk image for G.o.T.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.


Hello Maryann

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First impression:

The title and intro line serve well to create an air of mystery and make me want to read on. The thumbnail picture with its waterfall adds to the expectation of being whisked away to an island full of wonder and adventure. By the way, did you know that I am obsessed with the backside of water? It's a joke that works best in amusement parks where boat rides go behind waterfalls. There is one at Disneyland and at Universal Studios Hollywood. The backside of water is also mentioned in the movie Jungle Cruise  .

What works:

The amount of setting up the island and the many descriptions on how the people there are set up to stay there a lot longer than one week (A book on delivering babies! *Shock*) were a good set up for the payoff at the end. I kept thinking that the story had to be about more than a small crew of friends camping on an idyllic island. I actually got goosebumps when the radio announcer started listing all of the countries that launched nuclear missiles. You had to make those in Russia explode on launch. That was almost like a bit of comedy relief in that radio transmission. Considering the crimes Russia is committing in Ukraine right now, that felt almost viscerally good to read it, even if it was only fiction. The story did remind me that Israel and Iran are currently staring each other down and both have already attacked each other with conventional weapons. The South Pacific is far from the Middle East and Northern Europe and Northern Asia, but it has been historically the place where nuclear warheads were set off in trials.

What needs work:

still danced on her tip toes when she gets excited *Right* has to be "got" to stay consistent in the tense.
On the last trip they brought and set up shed kits, knowing that they will be coming back a lot. *Right* Same here. Where it says "will" it should say "would."
Now they have a large shed [...] In addition, they have a smaller shed *Right* Still switching back and forth between present tense details in an overall past tense narrative.

Final thoughts:

The ending of the story, cleverly finishing with a question mark does leave me wondering. These four people appear to be safe for now, but they really can't be sure that Ken will be able to come and get them. They might just be on that island for years. They better make good use of the solar panels while they can because the many nukes may have well set a nuclear winter into motion.

What a ride! I hope that neither us nor the following generations will ever have to deal with such a planetary devastation. With the newly released Fallout TV show  , there is already a lot to think about. On the other hand, they have mechas.


Annette
"The WDC Angel Army


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4745659