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Review #4745969
Viewing a review of:
 Mystery in the Rafters  [E]
Flash fiction
by Christoph W Viszcok
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
GAMES OF THRONES STORY REVIEW

This is a review for "Mystery in the Rafters"  from House Targaryen for "Game of Thrones" 

House Targaryen image for G.o.T.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

*Reading* THE STORY

The business has a cost overrun and it's up to Hamilton to figure out why.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I loved the ending. Didn't quite picture that.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by Hamilton. Good job with narration. If anything I would suggest a minor edit for tense. The opening starts in the past tense and shift between past and present.

*Star* DIALOGUE

The dialogue accents the narration.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I liked: "I follow the bread crumbs to the false ceiling..." -- What I liked about this description is how I feel I'm following along right with Hamilton, curious, and determine to get to the root of the mystery.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: computer chip manufacturing facility

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Mr. Hamilton

I loved Hamilton from the start. He's overworked, probably underpaid, a tad stressed, and yet he's the best guy to find the cost overrun. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. When you have quotes, put the period inside the quotes. For example: "start with the basics."

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. A satisfying read!


Reviewed by StephB for House Targaryen

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