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Review #4746057
Viewing a review of:
 You Were Warned!  [18+]
Screams!!!
by Odessa Molinari
Review of You Were Warned!  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Review of You Were Warned! by Odessa Molinari

Hmm, didn't see that coming. I was expecting it to be Harry or Joe that was the killer. Very inventive to make it a heart attack.

So the essential element of surprise is there. And that means you won the battle. It's a very effective little story told extremely well. Just one tiny quibble to make, together with a thought on continuity (in the movie sense).

Your two instances of coding at the end don't work because you used HTML rather than WdC's resident WritingML. It might be worth converting them so that members can get the full effect.

A message in steam on the mirror - nifty idea but there's a practical problem. It's true that such a message will dissipate as the steam disappears. But it will reappear when the room fills with steam again. Admittedly not as clearly, but still legible. As it happens, I don't think it matters a lot, since the police could easily say that you wrote it yourself. So this is an observation, not a criticism.

Your writying style is very direct and uncomplicated. This was so easy to read and the initial idea so good that the the story just couldn't fail. There wasn't even a typo for me to point at! A most impressive piece indeed.

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