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 Review #4746732 |
 | The Scream  [13+] A little flash fiction addition I did for a spooky campfire for The Holding Pond.  |
| (4.5)| Hallo Brooklyn ! I will be reviewing your work "The Scream" for House Targaryen on behalf of "Game of Thrones"  Content: Written as part of a campfire entry; the challenge was to continue a story where the campers were to tell each other stories; none was expecting this particular kind of tale. Pluses: Well, that was one heck of a performance by the narrator, and I was fully expecting her to go 'boo! gotcha! at some point. However, that ending was even worse! You made them too nice to just up and leave the place without having a few words with the landlord for being so quick to rent out a place with such a terrible history, and so recently too! Brrr! With all that said, you did a fantastic job building up the tension with this story. From the moment the narrator is introduced to the way she was able to get the campers' attention with her antics, expression, and body language is exactly how readers are expected to feel while reading this. You also did a great job with the imagery; allowing us to be at that campfire and in that room with the narrator as she confronted her ghost. Even the lady she meets outside - now I thought she was a ghost as well - see what you've done? Everyone is not real anymore!  Suggestions:Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. >>again heard her scream... Her long dark hair (in this section, seemed like the woman was pausing and continuing her speech or was that supposed to be a period after 'scream' since 'Her' is capitalized)   Aside from that little nitpick, this was a wonderful short story. Thanks so very much for sharing and keep on writing!    Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/29/2024 @ 12:13pm EDT