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 Review #4746756 |
 | He's Trying to Kill Me  [ASR] Script for a short film  |
| (3.5)| A "Game of Thrones" by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation  ReviewStoryline: A man sits in a coffee shop and another man sits down at his table, asking if he's read certain books. Man #1 has no idea why the second man has sat as his table when the coffee shop is empty. But it's eerie enough to make him think that the other man is going to kill him. Spelling/Grammar Issues: No issues. Description/emotion: I didn't quite get a feel for these characters except for the waiter, who was always confused by what was happening. First, the customer tells him the other guy intends to kill him to the woman at the back door looking for someone else. Aside from nervousness, I didn't detect any fear if the man truly believed he was going to die; there should be some fear or sense of danger. Overall Impression: Mystery genre set as a short script. I understand the concept of moving from one character to another in a script and getting different points of view. I never quite understood why character one thought character two was out to kill him. Was the old lady at the back door a distraction so that the murder could take place? And why would a waiter open the back door? That seemed out of place, especially if he'd already called 911 to get the police to the coffee shop. This feels unfinished. Perhaps having the man do something to show his fear, other than whisper to the waiter. Fidgeting with his cup, looking around, over his shoulder, just a little something to add to it. The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  
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You responded to this review 04/21/2024 @ 9:29am EDT