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Review #4748086
Viewing a review of:
 Normal. Happy. Healthy  [E]
A short story. Perhaps a part two in the future....
by Temperance Stone
Review by Annette
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
A "Game of Thrones"  review from
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The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.


Hello Temperance Stone

I found this item on "The Shameless "Plug" Page" 

First impression:

The title is very sober and simple. In a good way. I like things that are straightforward. The intro line hints at a possible continuation.

What works:

The ending was sweet and that's where it hints at a part two to this little saga. The "Normal. Happy. Healthy" mantra is repeated to good effect throughout the story.

What needs work:

You could add a thumbnail picture from the vast library of images that The StoryMistress has made available for us.

she is smiling at her hands. She is clutching *Right* Abrupt switch in tense here. Where it says is, it should say was.

She begins to giggle uncontrollably. *Right* The underlined word here also needs to get the tense fixed.

"Critter shack" *Right* Shack needs a capital first letter since it's a name.

Final thoughts:

I am not sure if I overlooked it, but does "she" have a name? Her pronoun is in the story very often, but I can't find a name for her. At the end, the one man gets to be Mike. Now Mike is a pretty common name, but why not give her a name and if there is one, use it a few times so that the reader has something to hold on to?

Annette
"The WDC Angel Army" 


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