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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4748293
Review #4748293
Viewing a review of:
 The Cave  [GC]
Four men enter a cave to hunt a monster.
by TheMeistro
Review of The Cave  
Review by Tiggy
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: GC | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Poseyo* Welcome to WDC from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Poseyo*


Hi TheMeistro,

I saw your post in "Noticing Newbies"  and came to have a read of the first story you posted on Writing.com.


*PenB* First Impressions:

This story didn’t go at all where I had expected! I figured when the fool volunteered to be on the hunting party, he would somehow save the day by slaying the monster when the others failed. Well, that’s not what happened. To be fair, when I read the beginning of the story again, I think you might have dropped a few subtle hints, but I didn’t pick up on them on the first read. Nicely done! The ending was also very good. I have to admit that I didn’t understand the significance of the severed fingers - they seemed to be important but I don’t know why.

I liked the descriptions and it was easy to imagine the settings and the characters. Especially the way the others felt towards the fool came across very well. He was a bit of a mystery until the end when his character suddenly became clear.


*PenG* Suggestions:

I noticed a few errors:

the foul things head
As it’s the possessive form, you need an apostrophe in “thing’s”.

these sort of things
“these sorts of things” or “this sort of thing”.

the hunter said. The hunter lit
Not an error as such but to avoid the repetition, I would replace the second “the hunter” with “he”.

You and the fool had left
I think that was supposed to say, “head left”?


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

I like stories that keep me guessing and especially those that surprise me at the end because I guessed wrong. This was a good story with a twist, and I enjoyed the read.


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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/26/2024 @ 7:17pm EDT
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