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Review #4748447
Viewing a review of:
 
The Girl From Mile End. Ch 1.  [18+]
The war years.
by Bruce.
Review by Annette
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
A "Game of Thrones"  review from
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The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.


Hello Bruce.

I found this piece on the "Please Review"  page.

First impression:

This first chapter is nicely decorated with the pencil image of a woman or girl.

What works:

The story is super well written. The young women and the men have believable conversations. Their disbelief in the air raid sirens is believable.

The uncle/father behaves like a typical person who was forced to take in a child because it's expected, but doesn't want to be nice. It was good to see that mother/aunt stood up to the abuse.

What needs work:

Although you set the stage by telling which year it is and firmly placing them in the Second World War, it would be nice to see what they are wearing and whether the women use makeup. The soldiers are easy enough to picture as uniforms are always the same. But that still leaves the girls wondering about the insignia on the lapels and how to keep apart the foot soldiers from those with higher ranks.

In short, there could be more visuals to underscore the plot.

Final thoughts:

The ending of this chapter is a really good cliffhanger. I'm currently trapped in Game of Thornes, so I can't "turn the page" because I have other things to review, but I would otherwise.

Annette
"The WDC Angel Army" 


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