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Review #4749210
Viewing a review of:
 A bitter betrayal  [E]
We must be wary of loved ones more than strangers
by writer
Review of A bitter betrayal  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Ah, a brief, almost summary story we have here. I might recommend fleshing it out and turning it into a story of the usual type around here, but the matter of fact, newspaper article style feels mythic and like a fable by itself. (One would think “newspaper article” and “fable” were contradictory… *Confused* *Laugh*)

If you cared to turn it into a longer story and yet are unsure how to do so, you could try bringing it into the restricted point of view of the next door neighbor, who hears something at 7 in the evening and then sees the stumbling burglar. We can then get a feel for the situation of the widow and the importance of the family secret recipe through dialogue with her and the police. Then, the surprise of the nephew being the culprit can be brought up as they view the camera footage. Or you could have it from the PoV of the widow, as the police call her in the evening to inform her of the disaster. This unfolding of actual scenes and real characters is what makes a story come alive, going from summary form to vivid tale of personal woe and betrayal.

There’s a lot of potential in this idea you have. Don’t forget to include a word count, and if the story grows, it’s a good idea to use Size 4 Verdana font around here to ensure readability and compatibility across devices.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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