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Review #4749516
Viewing a review of:
Love's Dancing Petals   [E]
A poem for my partner
by Conorwriting
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Conorwriting ,

Thank you for entering your poem into "A Newbie Poetry Contest" . I am Choconut, one of the contest judges for the October round.

I am reviewing your poem, "Love's Dancing Petals " , in affiliation with "The WDC Angel Army" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I was surprised how much I enjoyed this poem. I say surprised because I'm not normally too fond of happy poetry. But there is something about this poem that just touches me. The sentiment you describe is sweet and genuine, and I admire how you have laid out your feelings for all to read.

Voice/Tone: I believe this poem is absolutely from the heart. The ending, especially, appeals to me: "the greatest gift, I've ever known, / to love you in your ways."

Mechanics: I don't know whether this is a set form of poetry, but it feels like it could be. There's definitely a rhyme structure (that works really well, by the way). It would be nice for your readers if you noted the form on your poem because there are a lot of poets out there who want learn about structured poetry.

Rhythm: On the whole, the rhythm is good. When I first read it, I wasn't sure about the longer lines. But after a few reads through, I can see that they really work. It has a good flow to it.

My Favourite Part: I really like the warmth in this poem. It feels as though you are smiling as you write it. It makes me smile, also. This line stands out, to me: "Upon a hill, a light breeze, a dimple in your cheeks" That mention of a dimple is the kind of keen observation we make of those we love. I'm not completely sure whether this is a romantic love. I thought it was at first, but the more I read it, the more I wonder whether is actually about a valued friend.

Suggestions: There is one place I think you have a typo: "though each sunset we are made" I think it should be through not though.


Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

Plaque for being Angel Army's Reviewer of the Month in April 2024.



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