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Review #4749523
Viewing a review of:
 Addiction  [18+]
A short poem about waging a battle with substance use disorder
by Temperance Stone
Review of Addiction  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Temperance Stone ,

Thank you for entering your poem into "A Newbie Poetry Contest" . I am Choconut, one of the contest judges for the October round.

I am reviewing your poem, "Addiction" , in affiliation with "The WDC Angel Army" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: This poem is incredibly sad. My first thoughts as I read it were that you have some wonderful imagery. You do a fantastic job with describing the pain and relentlessness of addiction. However, there is some hope near the end where you write, "I always fight back."

Voice/Tone: Writing from the 1st Person perspective gives us a great insight into the mind of someone with addiction issues. You don't say what it is the narrator is addicted to, and so it works for all kinds of addiction: drugs, alcohol, food, love. And everything in between. A lot of people will relate to this. The narrator sounds slightly distant. I know others will disagree, but, for me, it puts a bit of a distance between me and the poem. However, it can be argued that it demonstrates the (almost) dissociation between the narrator and her life.

Mechanics: The abcb, defe, etc. rhyme scheme helps the poem to flow really nicely. Additionally, your rhythm is even, and you clearly have a good ear for it.

My Favourite Part: I like the personification of addiction. "She wages attack" is a fantastic way of making addiction feel like a living, breathing thing. Which, in many ways, it is. I love how you say addiction speaks softly, sings to you, makes you feel safe, and then — wham! — it attacks. In addition, you show how addiction feeds on your low self-esteem and undermines all of your good feelings about yourself. This is very well written.

Suggestions: The only thing I wasn't sure about was the first four lines beginning with I. It stuck out, to me. However, I think you are maybe trying to show how much addiction makes a person retreat into themselves and think only of their addiction. But, as I said, it stood out to me. Also, a minor point: "But addictions no quitter." There should be an apostrophe before the s in addictions.

This is a great poem. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

Plaque for being Angel Army's Reviewer of the Month in April 2024.



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