This week: Show, don't tell. Edited by: Lilith of House Martell  
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| We've all been told, at some point, to 'show, don't tell' your readers what's happening or how a character is feeling, what they're doing, etc. This week we will take a look at some examples that may be useful in your love/romance stories. |
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For the purpose of this newsletter, let's visit 'show, don’t tell' from a – hopefully – different perspective than you’ve seen it before.
Let’s focus on one specific point: how to identify the difference between showing and telling.
So many times we edit then re-edit our work, trying to change those telling sentences into show, yet often we miss some or make the mistake of thinking we’ve shown when we haven’t.
First, let’s take a look at how to incorporate show, don’t tell into our writing.
 Use dialogue and character interaction to show how your characters feel and interact with one another
Use sensory imagery – sound, smell, sight – to immerse the reader into your character’s world
Be descriptive. Use specifics. Good showing evokes images and emotions without telling the reader what to see, think or feel. Use strong verbs, descriptive nouns, and clear adjectives. For example with a car, mention the make or model and the condition of the car, ie, a beat-up blue sedan or beat-up hunk of blue metal on wheels. Or with a cat, provide visuals like sleek tabby or mangy ginger.
Use a deep point of view – step into your character and write through their eyes and their experiences.
Use metaphors – try to avoid cliché, but if this isn’t an option, personalise that cliché by applying a little spin or tweak.
But with all this power, this knowledge comes great responsibility. Yes, show, don’t tell - but don’t overwrite. Don’t over-complicate and don’t lose your reader with big words and convoluted prose. These will only serve to slow the pace and confuse the reader.
Here are some ways to incorporate 'showing':
Speech tags
These include expressions such as - he thought, he felt, he was, he saw, he watched, he wondered.
I know these are great ways of linking characters to dialogue, but if you wish to cut out as much telling as possible, avoid these at all costs. As an alternative, see if you can give a better sense of your character’s state of mind or movement by using action tags.
Example:
Telling: “How can I be a better man?” he wondered.
As an alternative, italicize the dialogue to show this as an internal thought for your point of view character. You can do this for many of the standard speech tags such as ‘he said’, ‘he thought’, 'he wondered’, etc.
Showing: How can I be a better man? He looked to the sky as if somehow the answer would miraculously appear.
‘Was’ or ‘is’ followed by an adjective
Example:
Telling: The cat is smelly; the house was creepy.
Instead of this sentence structure, add specifics to give the reader a more visual and visceral experience.
Showing: The old tabby reeked of stale tuna and neglect; the door screeched on rusted hinges, wind howling through eaves caked with a decade’s cobwebs and dust.
Emotional qualifiers
Example: happily, angrily, sadly
Telling: She happily said ‘I do.’
Showing: Her heart danced, her lips curving into a heady, floating-in-the-clouds smile. ‘I do.’
Showing: Dust motes danced at the light’s edge like tiny stars, the priest’s voice booming, deep with the gravel of an unsealed road. Derek’s fingers wrapped around hers, his palm warm, his grasp comforting. Home. His hand trembled. Or was it hers?
‘Do you take this man . . .’
The words skipped across her mind and her heart stuttered. Their future sparkled before her, as bright as the ring he slipped onto her finger. She met his gaze, a blue she’d loved since the first moment she’d drowned in its depths.
Then she nodded, surer than she’d ever been.
‘I do.’
Telling: ‘Out of my way,’ said Aaron angrily.
Showing: ‘Out of my way,’ snapped Aaron.
Showing: ‘Out of my way.’ Aaron shoved her aside, his dark gaze devoid of the love they once shared.
And that's a wrap for this week's newsletter!
I hope this glimpse – along with the examples – has clarified what can sometimes be a sticky skill to get right.
Thanks to those who read and comment! |
| | | Mariana (GC)
A Story about lust, love, family, and care... revenge, torment, concern, and sacrifice.
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Romance/Love: May 04, 2022 Issue [#11336]
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