This week: On Bullying Edited by: Kit of House Lannister  
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Have you ever been bullied? If so, what was done to help you?
Bullying can have a lasting negative impact on the victims. This week's Drama Newsletter, then, is about some of the causes of bullying, and the shift in mentality that may be necessary to end this harmful behaviour once and for all.
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I was lucky when I was young. I wasn’t a part of the popular crowd in school, but I had a nice group of friends, and I was generally well-liked. I wasn’t bullied. Taunted, at times, but I never felt frightened, never lost sleep over what I experienced. It never made me skip class.
Those few less-than-pleasant memories are still with me. The times when a member of the popular crowd in high school would ask me out, clearly hoping I’d say yes so that he could tell me he’d never go out with someone like me. I never said yes, but another poor girl did and they laughed in her face. That time, too, when I was in my room at school camp and just outside in the hallway two girls discussed my best friend and I. I overheard them say that there was some hope for my friend, but I was a lost cause – too weird and unfashionable to fit in. It hurt, but they were wrong. I had a good time in school. I found my people and mostly look back at those years with a smile on my face.
Mostly. Some people weren’t as fortunate. I had a very sweet friend who’d dared to come out as gay. He was bullied so badly that he had to change schools. It was awful. Nobody should have to experience that. Another friend of mine had a rare chronic condition that gave her hair, her skin and the white of her eyes a yellow tint. She was a great girl – smart, funny, creative – and yet, not many people were willing to befriend her. The same girls who’d been unpleasant about me behind my back were openly unpleasant to my friend. I lost my cool one day and said some not very ladylike words to them to get them to back off. Not that it made much of a difference.
In those days, kids got bullied for wearing glasses, for having ginger hair, for being ‘a bit odd’. As far as I can tell, it’s a little better now – wearing glasses is seen as normal, and those formerly classed as weird and odd, like myself, are generally better understood. Back then, schools didn’t refer you for an assessment, nor offered support to those with autism, dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, ADHD, and so on. It would have been nice if they did – I’d have understood myself better if I’d known that I’m autistic and dyspraxic. My younger sister struggled to get diagnosed with dyscalculia – at first, she was seen as lazy and not very bright. With my niece, her struggles to keep up with reading and writing requirements were picked up in a timely manner. She was diagnosed with dyslexia, and she’s receiving appropriate support. Her peers, too, have at least a basic understanding that some children need a little extra help with this or that, and that this does not mean anything negative about them. There’s a greater sense of openness, inclusion and mutual support, which is wonderful to see. But kids are still bullied.
Earlier this year, my niece and her friends were bullied by a group of boys, and it took a frustratingly long time before the school stepped up and attempted to do something about it. The experience can be relentless. Before smartphones and social media bullied children could at least find some peace at home, away from the taunts and threats. Now, they can be targeted at any hour, any location. I dread to think of the psychological impact of bullying in the digital age.
Even with the aforementioned inclusion, some kids will always find something to single out individuals to threaten and harass. The causes of such behaviour can vary. There is some truth to the image of the kid with the bad home life who takes it out on others, but this is certainly not always the case. Nor is it always the case that parents’ negative views of vulnerable groups inspire a child’s bad behaviour towards members of those groups, though it can be a factor. The Internet can have its own influence – boys, for example, may seek guidance and find it in the form of toxic sources like an Andrew Tate. Girls can get caught up in their fandom and harass people who they consider as 'antis'. Another factor can be frustration, or envy – a feeling that the other person has more than them, or is capable of greater achievements than them, which the bully finds intolerable.
Whatever the reasons for the bullying, it’s unacceptable. It’s not limited to young people, either; bullying can and does happen to adults in the workplace, within families, and amongst groups of friends. It’s often written off as ‘banter’, ‘just a joke’, or ‘just a prank’, with the victim being shamed as incapable of ‘having a laugh’. Except, it’s not funny. Jokes and pranks should not leave a person feeling horrible.
The rise of prank videos shows that the concept of it needing to be funny for everyone involved is not that well-understood. Some pranks have left people injured. Some have caused people’s deaths. Their popularity continues, revealing another explanation for bullying behaviour – money and fame.
The question is, what can be done to stop bullying? Most, if not all schools have anti-bullying policies in place. Many workplaces have their own policies and procedures. It’s progress, but it’s not always effective, nor enforced as strictly as it should be. This leaves victims unsupported whilst the people who targeted them fail to face the consequences of their actions.
Strict enforcement of school and workplace anti-bullying policies, then, is a must. Perhaps as important, however, is a necessary shift in mentality. There remains an old-fashioned idea that the victims of bullying are weak. That if only they were stronger, or smarter, or better able to stick up for themselves, this would not be happening to them – so, in a way, it’s their own fault. It’s this kind of mentality that leads to a lack of genuine sympathy for those who are targeted which, in turn, means that they’re not being taking as seriously as they should be. That can delay or even stop meaningful action. Indeed, opinions of the victim can worsen because of their complaints and, in some cases, they may be the ones punished (directly, or by being passed over for promotion), further damaging their well-being.
It needs to be understood that being bullied is not an indication of a flaw within the victim. It is not a sign of weakness – in fact, to live with the relentless bullying some people experience every single day of their lives takes tremendous strength and determination. Bullying victims deserve proper support. Those who bully others must be held to account. That requires all of us to act – when we notice acts of bullying taking place, we should step in where it's safe and possible, seek help where it's not, or at the very least report it to those in charge of upholding the relevant policies. To stand by in silence or willfully ignoring what takes place, perhaps feeling grateful that we’re not the ones targeted is to be complicit in such acts. Of course, the bully is still the guilty party, but there’s a moral side to this – it takes more than policy to put an end to this behaviour. If we truly wish to stop the bullying, we must all stand up against it.
Kit of House Lannister
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Drama: June 28, 2023 Issue [#12043]
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