This week: When you must kill off your darlings... Edited by: fyn  
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It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live. ~~Marcus Aurelius
When your time comes to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home. ~~Tecumseh
I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. ~~Winston Churchill
Death is not extinguishing the light; it is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come. ~~Rabindranath Tagore
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Death means many things and is often unique in any one person's perspective. It's personal. Contrarily, it is also as objective as it gets. Impersonal. It all depends on the who and the one reflecting on it. It is often tragic. Those left behind are often devastated. We can't argue with it; it just is. There is no more helpless feeling in the world when a loved one dies. It's been a season here. The anniversary of my brother's death. An ex dying. A long-estranged uncle. Then, my brother-in-law passed away last Monday. In all cases, it was rationalized that they lived good, long lives. Uh-huh. Just not long enough.
I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing, absolutely nothing that one can say to the grieving. My sister-in-law is incredibly strong. She's hanging in there although she misses her husband terribly. Of course, she does. It totally sucks and that's the best that can be said.
I was pleasantly surprised by the varied reactions from 'his' side of the family. They really love my sister-in-law and that is truly wonderful. They really couldn't stand his ex. Several times I heard people say that Karma would even everything out. I also heard several times the saying that, 'Only the good die young.' At least he died within a loving framework, a good man who never had a bad thing to say about ANYone, who always thought the best of folks, and who adored his wife.
As Ted was a veteran, Taps was played. Never have I heard it played more sweetly. The tears that I had yet to let fall, fell freely then.
On our way home from the service, we stopped at a Cracker Barrel to eat. On the wall above the huge fireplace was a collection of immense cast iron fry pans. I couldn't help but start giggling. I pointed them out to my hubby -- who also started laughing. We laughed until tears fell once again. We needed that moment!
Why did that set us off? Well, in my book Journey to Jukai there's a scene where a young woman grabs a hot pan of burned bacon off the stove and hammers her abusive step-father with it after he's killed her mother. I asked my husband to help me 'plan' it out so I could describe her motions, the hot pan, the bacon grease flying across the kitchen. It was important to get it right, you see.
Boy, did we ever make a mess in the kitchen. And yes, hubby survived it all. We've had many a good giggle over it in the years since. Seeing that collection of 'murder implements' hanging on the wall just set me off.
It got me thinking though because there are times when you, as an author, of course, need to kill off a character. Like when I needed to have Jinn die. She was my favorite character. But she really needed to die. It was devastating. I loved her. I loved writing her. It was awful. I heard about the tears others shed when she died. I was yelled at. 'How could you!!!?!' Later, in the next book, those same folks understood, but it was rough.
One deserved a lousy ending, one did not. Easier when it is a character. And yet, there was much I've gathered over the years in the aftermath of people passing. (As it happens when one gets older, people start dying. You don't realize that as much when you are younger. Well, not until you lose your parents. Or your partner has a close call.
Suddenly we are not immortal anymore. It is scary, illuminating, and thought-provoking all at once. It makes me (at any rate) appreciate more--that what we have is more important than the things we haven't. Taking time to watch the sunrises and sunsets. Making favored meals. Saying thank you. Being present in the moments. Saying 'I love you.'
And the knowing that even the saddest of moments will find its way into my writing somewhere along the line. One thing I know. NO old pictures of me at a funeral. If you don't know what I look like, chances are you wouldn't be there anyway. But my words. Oh yes.
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Elfin Dragon-finally published  writes: 1. The best advice was while reading one of Orson Scott Cards' writing books. He quoted Stephen King, saying "If you want to become a great writer - read, read, read," meaning don't be afraid to read books out of your usual genre and read a lot.
2. I'm not sure I ever really got useless writing advice. I often take everything in and learn from it. Even the little things are valuable.
3. I would advise a newer writer to do what Stephen King advised. When you expand your reading you open a whole new horizon of possibilities for your writing. Even if you never write out of your genre, you find you can incorporate aspects of other genres into what you write. AND always listen to other writers. Whether they're new or veterans. You'll find something valuable it it all.
Mara ♣ McBain  comments: OMG You're in my head! lol Nice to know that I'm not the only one calling you and losing my mind. Thank God for best friends that will listen to me blather and help me brainstorm or fictional best friends that will listen to his frustration over trying to get the girl to understand he loves her and her kiddo!!! Thanks for listening and always giving that kick in the butt when I need it. 
:)
StephBee - House Targaryen  says: Finding a good beta reader really helps. The challenge for you is that you've got to make your beta reader feel comfortable enough to share their constructive criticism with you without you taking it personally.
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For Authors: October 11, 2023 Issue [#12217]
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