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The purpose of this newsletter is to help the Writing.com short story author hone their craft and improve their skills. Along with that I would like to inform, advocate, and create new, fresh ideas for the short story author. Write to me if you have an idea you would like presented.
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On the occasion of this Newsletter, this title is How to Save a Tree Because I Use Too Many Words or better yet -
 How to Eliminate Wordiness
I'm the queen of wordiness! I talk talk talk all the time! Oh...wait, that's not what I meant to write about. While chatter can be great company on an airplane flight or with your best buddy, it is not always your friend when writing. Concise writing clarifies meaning for your reader and keeps them focused on the scene at hand.
My personal goal this year is to become a better editor of my work. Last month I focused on passive writing, this month with the help of tips from OWL University, I will add some new points to strengthen your writing.
 One item for edit is clauses. Highlight all the words that, which, who and turn those sentences around into phrases.
The writer, who published recently... The recently published author...
Another edit would be to eliminate unnecessary determiners and modifiers.
kind of - sort of - type of - really - basically - for all intents and purposes - definitely - actually - generally - individual - specific - particular
Now let's get around to circumlocutions. 
the reason for - for the reason that - owing/due to the fact that - in light of the fact that - considering the fact that -
on the grounds that - this is why = because, since, why
on the occasion of - in a situation in which - under circumstances in which = when
as regards - in reference to - with regard to - concerning the matter of - where ________ is concerned = about
it is crucial that - it is necessary that - there is a need/necessity for - it is important that - cannot be avoided = must, should
is able to - has the opportunity to - has the capacity for - has the ability to = can
it is possible that - there is a chance that - it could happen that - the possibility exists for = may, might, could
Editing your work before presentation in your portfolio is a crucial step to receiving helpful reviews. If your reviewer is not bogged down with grammar and spelling error comments, they will have more time and energy to comment on plot and scene suggestions.
I've seen comments saying authors don't care if the grammar and spelling is correct in their items because a publisher will edit them. Most published authors will say presentation is extremely important when an item is submitted to a publisher. If an editor can't read your story because the spelling and grammar is horrific, it will not be considered. I hope this newsletter helps your story get to the top of the publisher consideration pile.  Write on!
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| | The Game (ASR)
Two best friends in 1978 Alaska discover the world can be a very scary place
#1231930 by Shannon  |
Excerpt: "They're after me," Shannen whispered. "I saw what they did, and now they're after me."
Shannen and I were best friends. It was the summer of '78. We were 12-years-old and gearing up to start middle school in the fall. Shannen was a tomboy, and she could climb a tree faster than any boy I knew. We spent our days fishing, catching crickets, and building forts. No one worried about us. They knew we were together and that we were safe. Things were different back then.
| |  | Invalid Item
This item number is not valid.
#1111239 by Not Available. |
Excerpt: Amos strode purposefully along the well-worn path through the centre of the village, occasionally slipping on clumps of moss growing along the edges of the shadowy trail. All around him people were slowly emerging from their elevated thatched huts to begin the day’s preparation for the annual trek to the mountaintop. It was time to pay homage to the Mother Goddess Miranda. As he did so snatches of conversation reached his ears joining in with the birdsong to break the morning’s silence. The sun had only just started to peak above the craggy, ice covered mountain range to the north but there was sufficient light for Amos to make out the faces of the people who nodded to him as he strode past.
| | | Invalid Item
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#1292111 by Not Available. |
Excerpt: Captain Richard C. Burroughs stood at the helm of his ship, clutching the rails as he watched a suspicious boat grazing the horizon. The sea lapped at the wooden frame of The Armament as the salty air blew cold against his face. He knew that such an aimless and unadorned ship did not belong in the trade waters at this time of year; seeing it made the young captain uneasy.
|  | Evil Wind (13+)
The Goldman Series I: A day of disaster and decision, Jack first senses his lifelong enemy
#1053523 by Jack Goldman  |
Excerpt: Years ago my father, Deputy Chief of Police Benjamin Goldman, told me of his most terrible day: November 22, 1963. It was the day he lost a friend only minutes after President Kennedy’s murder. On that day, evil seemed to swirl in the air as he dealt with death and lynch mobs. When I chose to follow his path, they assigned me to the same area of Dallas, Texas: Oak Cliff. A terrible day came for me, as well; and it haunts me, for it was the genesis of many.
Excerpt: Night is closing in fast. It's chasing dusk’s last spray of light. Come night, we will move with nervous calculation. But for now, we huddle with our weapon, the cool hardness shielding us as the moon climbs into the blackened sky. As it ascends, I wonder if the moon will disclose our hiding place. Its yellow face keeps jumping in and out of the thick layer of haze settling in over the turbulent skies above Da Nang, bordering the South China Sea. I am tired of crawling on my belly, tired of smelling the rancid stench of sweat and dirty bodies seasoned by the lives of so many young men lost.
Excerpt: Isaac Cramer was not the kind of a man one would expect to be owning a cat! The cat that he owned was not exactly what a person would think of when they thought of a cat! For all of the world, Cramer and his cat were a match made in heaven.
The cat was very large by cat standards, with a thick fur coat, white, with large black spots on it. The cat while soft and gentle, at most times would, whenever it was teased, lower the back end of it’s body in the stance of a jungle animal, bare its teeth, and hiss in a most ferocious manner. Most often the cat would remain docile, and well behaved and always, always within a few feet of Cramer. Had it been trained to be at his side, or had it come by this naturally is unknown, but for a fact the cat was closer to Cramer than any dog could ever have been.
| | | Invalid Item
This item number is not valid.
#1301752 by Not Available. |
Excerpt: Calvin chuckled to himself despite the pain of the situation. He had never wanted his marriage to end. It just was. But it helped to laugh.
Eventually, he returned to his table. Naomi was sitting quietly by herself, gazing up out the window at the moon hanging in the sky above. She turned her head as Calvin sat down in front of her. His wife smiled that dumb, bucktooth smile of hers, and inside, Calvin felt himself give a deep, depressing sigh.
Excerpt: I once knew a man whose world sat in his dictionary. The pages contained whole continents, the Northern Lights, mountain ranges, pens and pencils, furniture, assorted haberdashery, boxes -both empty and full-, picture frames, lives, the passing of time -past, present, future, the space in between-, ands, ifs, nouns, love. Adverbs huddled in the shadows of the binding, adjectives slipped between the cracks in the cover, verbs transcended the space between one page and the previous or the next. Nouns hung from the tips of t’s, the ends of y’s and j’s, and fell into pits of the u’s, or were trapped in the mighty and inescapable o. They slithered down z’s, and reclined in the gracious c. And this is where Leo Bernstein lived. He climbed up the w’s and mounted himself on the m’s, one foot on each bend.
Excerpt: Darling Munroe was in no way considered a likable person. There was a mean streak in him that made him to do things in his life that even the most despicable of men would not be proud of. His father had disowned him and his mother couldn't bear to hear his name without breaking down. So, it was hard to believe that Darling felt he was the only person alive who could save mankind. Yet, that's what he thought. And as he crossed the Nevada state line doing 110 mph, his car weaved crazily while he strained his neck looking up at the sky through his sun-glared windshield.
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This month's question: Do you correct/not correct items in your portfolio? Why?
Last month's question: What is your editing "Achille's Heel"?
REPLIES:
LuVen  : My editing Achille's Heel has to be capitalization. I obsessively capitalize seemingly random words and end up having to go back and lower case-ify them.
Vivian  : Legerdemain, my "Achille's Heel" when editing is one that most author's have: My brain knows what is supposed to be written, so it misses some problems. That's why I have several people proofread for me; they don't know what is suppose to be there.
Zoe Graves : My editing achille's heel is commas and semi- colons. i either over-use, under-use, or improperly use these little buggers.
Stan Stanley : My Achilles heel should read heels, but then that would imply I only have two; I'd need to be a centipede to accomodate all my Achilles' with their own heel.
Not knowing what pearl of wisdom, or sparkling diamond needs to be preserved untouched,for posterity or which should be banished for evermore, service or disservice to the reader?
Impatience in typing: Spending hours writing long hand, with pen and paper then typing with two fingers.
Lets see, where are we, heel #97? Just send it dont worry about the rest.
Stan
patheral: My editing "Achille's Heel" is commas! I love to hate them! I know how to use them most of the time, but the sometimes I just agonize over whether a comma should be there or not. *Sigh*
COMMENTS:
animatqua: Good information! I have been trying to define this when I review. I'd love it if you'd make an item out of this to make it easier to reference.
alicengoreland: I love that you pull a little from each story and show why it should be read. I too just read Samael Grove and was blown away for its tale. Also, nice bit on the passive voice. Always a demon I must look out for.
StephBee - GOT Survivor  : Great examples on passive voice. They're very helpful and you make it easy to identify. Two thumbs up.
Thanks for all your replies and comments. Feedback is appreciated and rewarding! |
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Short Stories: August 15, 2007 Issue [#1889]
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