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After giving information about story or plot ideas last week, I stated that this week, as a guest editor of the same newsletter, I would cover writing tight. Tight writing results in stronger, more vivid, writing.
Viv |
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Write Tight
Time after time I’ve heard and read at various writing conference, workshops, and clinics, “Write tight, delete unnecessary words and phrases.” Even though I thought I knew and practiced writing tight, I discovered I could do better after some of my work was critiqued at the latest conference, an online conference.
Several different forum posts in different workshops lists appeared: lists of unnecessary words and phrases. The words and phrases didn’t necessarily need never be used, but should be used seldom, and only if necessary. Let’s look at the words and phrases which, if we eliminate them, will tighten our writing.
Note: to discover these in something already written, use the “Find” application under Edit.
Down: A verb that implies down doesn’t require the use of the word.
The boy fell down.
The boy fell.
Up: A verb that implies up doesn’t require the use of the word.
The bird flew up to the tree branch..
The bird flew to the tree branch.
Out: If the verb implies out, using the word is not necessary.
She spread the bedspread out across the bed.
She spread the bedspread across the bed.
Then: If action follows, the word then is implied already.
He aimed the gun, then fired.
He aimed the gun and fired.
Began – started:
He picked up the book and began to read.
He picked up the book and read.
He lifted the pen and started to write.
He lifted the pen and wrote.
Felt – feel: Weak words should be replaced to created a stronger, clearer image.
The chill of the night air had little to do with the cold she felt.
The chill of the night air had little to do with the cold swirling inside her.
Back: If the subject of a sentence is doing one thing and then another, back is usually unneeded.
Jessie shook her head as she frowned back at her friend.
Jessie shook her head as she frowned at her friend.
Back – returned: Sometimes returned signals going back to a previous action.
He turned his attention back to the raging storm.
He returned his attention to the raging storm.
Instead: If it’s a given that some action would occur, then “instead” is not needed.
If he misses the chair, he will land on the floor instead of the chair.
He will land on the floor.
To the: Using the phrase often causes wordiness.
She opened the door to the office.
She opened the office door.
Suddenly: If the next action follows, writing the next action eliminates the need for the word.
Suddenly the bull lurched forward.
The bull lurched forward.
Suddenly the boy yelled.
The boy yelled.
or Without warning, the boy yelled.
Be-ing: Sometimes using the present participle of verbs causes longer and weaker sentences.
I should be writing her.
I should write her.
Could: If the sentence conveys information without the word, don’t use.
He could see her walking toward him.
He saw her walking toward him.
better She walked toward him.
Would: Decide if the sentence with the word is stronger or the one without.
Occasionally, he would catch her watching him.
Occasionally, he caught her watching him.
There: Generally using there results in a weak sentence, and it should be removed if possible.
There were men too close.
Men were too close.
Even better would be using an action verb: Men stood too close.
If there were men that close, they would clog any escape.
If men were that close, they would clog any escape.
Seemed: The word seemed should only be used when creating doubt.
Harry’s presence seemed to dominate the camp.
Harry’s presence dominated the camp.
Was and other linking or to be verbs: Sentences are stronger when strong action verbs are used. Of course at times, linking and to be verbs must be used.
His only fear was the dark.
He only feared the dark.
To be: The phrase results in wordiness.
She needs to be doing her homework.
She needs to do her homework.
That: Sometimes that is necessary, but often it isn’t. Try the sentence without it and see if the meaning changes or not.
The reason that we …
The reason we …
Just: Just is an overused word. We need to try synonyms like merely, only, nearly.
Avoid passive voice – use active voice: Passive voice does not show action by the subject, uses state of being verbs (was, were, am, are, etc.) as the main verb or helping verb, or uses have, had, has as a helping verb. When possible, replace with action verbs. Also passive voice has the subject not doing the acting, but receiving the action.
The ball was thrown by the boy.
The boy threw the ball.
NOTE: A special thanks to Margot Finke’s Secrets of Writing for Children and the comments on her forum, as well as posts from other writers and experts, in the Muse Conference.
Authors need to cut anything that does not add to the story, plot, characters, and/or conflict. Extra words and/or phrases, passive voice, or long, unnecessary descriptions weakens writing. We all need to write tight.
I submitted part of my mystery/suspense novel in one of the workshops. I thought I had everything as tight as possible. I learned differently.
The following is my original section:
The man positioned his power chair at the end of the parallel bars in the therapy room. Over the past months, those bars had become an enemy that could not be conquered, but which created agony and despair. He glared at his enemy as they silently waited to conquer him again. An orderly in white waited beside the left side of the bars.
“Ready, Martin?” the therapist asked from where he stood behind the chair.
Martin Rogers scowled as he struggled to his feet and pushed against the arms of the chair. By the time he stood gripping each bar, his face dripped with perspiration, and he could smell his own sweat and fear. A bolt of pain shot from both of his legs into his back.
“Aggghh,” he groaned. His legs trembled with the stress and pain. “I don’t know if I can do this,” he muttered between clenched teeth.
“Yes, you can,” the therapist answered him. “Now, move your right foot forward.” The man stood close behind Martin and pushed his foot against his patient’s right heel.
Swallowing the curse that formed in his throat, Martin slid his right foot forward. His knuckles turned white from the pressure of his fists grasping the bars. Shuffle by shuffle, moan by moan, he moved toward the end of the bars. The therapist relentlessly pushed him forward. Finally, Martin collapsed into the power chair waiting for him, moved from the other end by the orderly, the torture finished for another day.
Now, let’s look after the writing is tightened:
The man positioned his power chair at the end of the parallel bars in the therapy room. Over the past months, those bars had become an enemy which created agony and despair. He glared at his opponent as it silently waited to conquer him again. An orderly waited beside the bars.
“Ready, Martin?” the therapist asked from behind the chair.
Martin Rogers scowled as he struggled to his feet and pushed against the arms of the chair. By the time he gripped each bar, his face dripped with perspiration, and he could smell his own sweat and fear. A bolt of pain shot into his back.
“Aggghh,” he groaned. His legs trembled with the stress and pain. “I don’t know if I can do this,” he muttered between clenched teeth.
“Yes, you can,” the therapist answered. “Now, move your right foot forward.” The man pushed his foot against his patient’s right heel.
Swallowing the curse that formed in his throat, Martin slid his right foot forward. His knuckles turned white from the pressure of his fists grasping the bars. Shuffle by shuffle, moan by moan, he moved toward the end of the bars. The therapist relentlessly pushed him forward. Finally, Martin collapsed into the power chair waiting for him, the torture finished for another day.
Please go forth and tighten that writing. I plan to do the same. |
Works from the Site
I found a few items about writing problems, concerns, and rules that will help others.
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Words from Our Readers
I very seldom post rude comments, and then only if there is a valid reason to do so. I also seldom post comments that do not apply to the newsletter or to writing. Comments that might hurt someone else are usually not posted either, even if I personally might enjoy what's written.
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essence of thought 
Thanks a lot for sharing this conference with us. It was a very helpful newsletter.
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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April Sunday
Agree on importance of hooks which often include the 5 == W's. Have even seen chapters begin with It or I and still not put a reader to sleep. Originally the Internet came with authors selling their own stuff. This is making a comeback. The 5 - W's are easily quoted for the self-pub -POD quagmire. Biblio quotes are adhered to and can be found on "quoting rules" on Wikepedia. When we write on writing topics quoting a sources is often appreciated.
http://www.Fiction4sale.highpowersites.com
I wrote to an agent who wanted a marketing plan before she even read my stories. It's a new ballgame out there. Sadly fiction is caught in a nasty trap, I fear.
Yes, using part of the of the W's and H (who, what, when ,where, sometimes why, and how) can help provide a hook, but putting all into the beginning of a work (unless non-fiction) can be a turn-off.
Almost all agents and/or publishers now require a marketing plan. Before they left it up the author to realize on his (or her) own that marketing was his to do. Now at least they are honest.
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Cubby 
Great newsletter, Viv. I'm really hoping you might know something about 'Agents'. Can you share anything you might know? I'm so busy with a full-time job, etc., I recently sent a query to an agent. Haven't heard back yet, and don't expect great news, lol, but it's the first time I've even considered it. Any tips you can share on the subject?
~Cubby ")
Ah, agent is a five letter word that many think of as a four letter one. One thing I do know: Good agents don't accept new clients that are not published (and most do not consider self-published as published). Most publishers won't take un-agented authors.
If an author wants an agent, she needs to meet one or two. The best place to make those connections is at writing conferences where agents are appearing, especially if they are taking appointments with attendees.
I can hear some people saying, "But I can't get to a conference." IF you want a good agent, you must find a way unless you know someone who has an agent and who will recommend you to his agent, or you know the nephew or another close relative to a good agent. Occasionally, an agent will have an assistant or intern dig through slush piles to find a deserving manuscript, but the chance of winning that "drawing" is greater than winning a lottery not even entered.
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white_feather
Thanks for the book tip. I enjoyed the exercises you brought up, and if you took them from that book, it will be the best $6.00 I spent on amazon.com so far.
You are most welcome. The exercises didn't come from that book but from the presenter for that section of the conference.
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thegreatdavoo2
Funny, right when I was reading the "we should take interesting things from real life and use them to write stories" part, my little brother came to me and showed me a newspapper...on it was a picture of some guy dressed as spider-man and using suction cups to cling to a building and wash its windows!
Man...life can be good at timing things.
Now that picture could spur all kinds of ideas for a story, poem, or novel. Thanks for sharing.
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Elle - no longer a fresher...
Thanks for the newsletter, it inspired many new ideas and helped me understand a lot of new things to help get plots and themes rolling when your creativity isn't on a high!!
Thanks,
~ ellie ~
You're very welcome.
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Thank you for joining me again this week. I hope some of what I covered is helpful.
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For Authors: November 07, 2007 Issue [#2049]
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