  Romance/Love
This week: Edited by: Elisa the Bunny Stik  
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| Let's face it. When we think of romance, whatever comes to mind are traditions rooted in Western culture. Disenchanted with these typical notions, I looked to the east for a different perspective on love and romance. What I found out through observation, research and random conversation was both surprising and intriguing. Eastern attitudes toward romance might just be the key to shaking up the genre a bit (or at least give it a few twists). |
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*listens to bodies hit the floor as people faint from seeing my name in the byline*
Yeah, I bet that comes as a shock. What is a self-professed anti-romantic doing editing the romance/love newsletter? Well, I felt like broadening my horizons a bit. Some of my bad habits hobbies also play a role in me making an appearance here. When I say habits hobbies, I'm referring to Heroes and its fandom. While the fandom itself is very scary and about as non-romantic as you can get, lurking has piqued my curiosity regarding Japanese customs. For some reason, the creators of the show enjoy throwing Hiro Nakamura
| For the uninitiated, he's the Japanese time traveler. |
 ACTIONS, NOT WORDS: For the Japanese, expressions of love focus more on deeds and less on spoken affection. Action is not necessarily about intercourse (which is a whole other issue in itself) or even giving gifts. Instead, the Japanese express their love in less direct ways, through platonic-looking touches and looks that are understood by the couple but do not give themselves away. Likewise, it is very rare for the Japanese to say "I love you" to whomever they give their affections. The Japanese communicate love and intimacy through touch. It can be calming, hypnotic, boost awareness and generate more excitement than words alone. Touch is many things, but for the Japanese it is key to communicating the notion of love
If you're wondering what I mean by notion of love, I strongly suggest reading on.  |
THE BIGGEST OBSTACLE? SHYNESS: This actually has a couple parts. Japanese people have a more reserved demeanor, and they do not meet potential significant others through casual means. If you write about someone striking up a conversation with a Japanese person at a bar, that would be quite out of character. On the other hand, you can depict such a scene with the person initiating conversation not succeeding, which is often the case with Westerners who try to meet someone Japanese. Still, most Japanese people meet significant others through introductions by mutual friends or other people that are a part of their daily lives. That's not to say there aren't other ways for the Japanese to meet people.
A NEW PERSPECTIVE ON HOLIDAYS: Over the years, Western culture has left its mark on the Japanese. This has resulted in the Japanese celebrating some Western holidays, although their customs are a little different. For example, Christmas is a bit more like Valentine's Day, a day for spending time with the one you love. There is somewhat less emphasis on family during the Christmas holiday than in the West. In fact, the major family holiday of the winter season is New Year's. Don't worry, though. They can still get a little crazy on New Year's Eve.  The other interesting holiday quirk goes with Valentine's Day. In that case, the women give their significant others chocolate. Needless to say, they are quite distraught if they do not have someone to whom they can give chocolatey gifts.
CULTURE SHOCK?: As I said before, the Japanese do not normally say "I love you". With the Western influence becoming more prevalent, you might hear this from younger Japanese. Still, it is far from common. Anyone besides me think it should stay that way? Interestingly enough, there are words (and kanji) for love (ai, aisuru and koi), but they are not used all that often. Instead, the phrase(/kanji) suki desu (to like) features in everyday speech. To discuss the nuances of these various words and phrases would take up a newsletter and make much more sense coming from someone who is fluent in Japanese (any takers?). Another thing to keep in mind is that they are not known for making direct eye contact, a common way to catch a person's attention in Western romance tradition. Eye contact is reserved for those who are close to a Japanese person. Among strangers, it's too invasive on a social level. Odds are, if someone noticed an attractive Japanese person, he or she will notice something other than the eyes first.
While not an exhaustive list of differences between two cultures' romantic traditions, it is a good place to start, especially in depicting modern romance. There are plenty more differences that I haven't even begun to explore. All the same, do not take these differences to mean the Japanese do not express love. On the contrary, Japanese romance stories are quite compelling. I do think that their perspective on romance leads to romance being treated less as the central theme of a story and more as a subplot or accent to a larger tale. This stronger, more multifaceted presentation of a love affair is quite enjoyable and a welcome treat for those of us jaded by the so-called typical romance stories. Even if you still wish to write a typical romance story, adding one of these elements can make it stand out in the crowd.
Until next time,
(sig by Cat-Claws is 20 Years Old!  ) |
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Hehheh. Normally, I'm not helming this newsletter, so I hit the pavement for some comments. Let's see what I found during my traversings. I decided to let the comments speak for themselves and let you decide what to make of them (as well as the differences presented in this newsletter).
From WildThing~Becoming : I actually had a crush on a girl in Japan once. I think things like honor and duty come before romance there? I think they're as romantic as any other culture in their arts. But falling in love with your spouse is still somewhat of a luxury.
From candiedinago: I dont think I could contribute anything intelligent lol. I do know from my Japanese friends that outside of the entertainment industry "aishiteru = i love you" is rarely used and most people simply use "daisuke = I like you a lot" > but that just has to do with reservations in the culture I think. Things are slowly getting more open as the younger generation has their little obsession with Western culture but traditional thoughts about love and marriage are still dominant to my knowledge. |
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Romance/Love: March 26, 2008 Issue [#2303]
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