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This week: Edited by: Ben Langhinrichs  
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Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Chuck Smith, Woodbridge High School
Greetings! I am a guest editor this week for the Comedy Newsletter, and I hope to convince you yet again why I should never be one of its regular editors.
~ Ben Langhinrichs |
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Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
Jennifer Hart, Arlington High School
The Awful Art of Analogy
The two quotes above come from a collection of Analogies and Metaphors written by high school students. I will sprinkle in a few more, just to make your nose hairs crinkle like a candy wrapper in a quiet movie theater. But I want to clarify, some metaphors and analogies are unintentionally funny, while others are intentionally funny. We, as writers, should aim for the latter. (To tell the difference, see whether the author is blushing) There are a few particularly good places to use a humurous metaphor: in the beginning, somewhere in the middle, or at the end of your story.
Setting the tone
These are all opening lines from various stories I have written. Unless I have failed miserably (a common enough occurrence, but I'll pretend otherwise), each sets the tone for the comic noir stories I like to write.
"Grey storm clouds scuttled across the sky like roaches scattering when the kitchen light flicks on."
"It was the end of a long day, the kind of day that made me rummage through my desk for a hair of the dog, even though I hadn't touched a drop the night before."
"I'm not the kind of guy who believes in love at first sight, but the sight of those legs was enough to change the kind of guy I am."
"The day stretched out before me like the Great Wall of China, a thousand miles of mind numbing boredom, and me hell-bent on refusing to take that first step."
Use opening lines to communicate something about the scene, the genre, the action about to take place. For example, what would the following opening lines communicate to you? Would you want to read these stories?
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Roy Ashley, Washington High School
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
Gary F. Hevel, Silver Springs High School
The first of these two takes a terrifying event and compares it to something completely mundane. The second takes something mundane and compares it to something hideous. Both techniques can be effective, but I'm not sure they work in these cases.
Showing, rather than telling
I used these lines in various stories to show you the characters involved.
"I grew up thinking the seven deadly sins were my to-do list, focused only on wine, women and song, not necessarily in that order."
"I never played an instrument in high school, but I played with a few guys who played instruments."
"The message was longer, but I wasn't holding my breath like some doll swooning over Anakin Skywalker when every Tom, Dick and Harry knew he was destined for a life of dark helmets and heavy breathing."
These descriptions attempt to communicate a sense of the character, while simultaneously making the reader laugh. Remember, comedy is still story telling, and it needs to accomplish both goals at the same time.
With that in mind, what do these descriptions "show" you about the characters described?
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
Susan Reese, Arlington High School
She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park High School
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
Brian Broadus, Charlottesville High School
With that said, we are done, like the end of that very short pier we just walked off of.
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"Long inviting legs disappeared beneath a leather skirt so short Santa could have worn it for a belt."
"I was beginning to feel a little like the boy who cried wolf. Yeah, both me and him kind of deserved the results, but I always felt that getting eaten was a little harsh"
"The office, with low-spinning fans doing nothing to cool us gumshoes off, was closed up tighter than skin on a tambourine."
"It’s run by me and four friends; friends being the loose term for a never-ending bottle of booze, a half used pack of cigarettes, my .35 shooter, and this typewriter where I write down my thoughts."
"chiselled features made hard by a life spent frowning"
"his job was to uncover the flotsam of life; the telltale signs of depravity that washed up on shore in a marriage"
"Smooth like porcelain, soft as the day she was born, easy to tell her hands had not done a days labor in their life."
"A classy blonde with legs that could reach the sky, eyes the color of the ocean and the only place I seen lips that big is on billboards."
"hair all wind-tossed and the color of an expensive Cuban cigar"
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Sadly (for me, but likely not for you), I am but a guest editor, and my last Comedy generated little but nervous chuckles and averted eyes. Such is the life of a (wannabe) comedian. Why not comment on this newsletter today, and then the next time they let me do this (who says prayers aren't answered), I'll have something to put down here.
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Comedy: November 25, 2009 Issue [#3398]
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