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This week: Just Tell Me the Story Edited by: emerin-liseli  
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| Hello! My name is emerin-liseli , and I'm excited to be your guest editor for this week's newsletter. In this issue, I'll be discussing the difference between "showing" and "telling," as well as when it is advantageous to use one versus the other. |
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Most writers have heard the old adage "Show, don't tell." And indeed, it is important, especially in Action and Adventure, that writers are committed to specific descriptions and actions. The ability to write descriptively and bring the reader into the scene is a hallmark of a talented writer.
This newsletter, however, is not about how to "show" instead of "tell" - there are plenty of resources and other issues of newsletters that can do that. Nor will it convince you of the importance of "showing." Instead, I'm here to convince you of the importance of "telling," which I think is overlooked as a writing technique.
At heart, all writing is "telling." As a second-hand account of a set of imagined events, we are conveying actions that can only be experienced vicariously. The job of the writer is to bring the reader into the moment, allowing him to imagine that the events are firsthand. However, there are ways in which writers cannot adequately compensate for the secondhand nature of fiction. While we pretend that stories are enclosed boxes of reality, in truth, the walls of the box are more permeable than usually admitted. Take, for example, when narrators in fiction address the reader directly: "You, reader, can hardly bear to hear of such miseries like these."
The realities of fiction is that such lapses of reality are not only permissible, but expected. The readers expect some amount of backstory, and they do not reject out-of-hand narratorial intrusion that comes from, for example, omniscient point of views. Because of this, the writer is allowed to engage in "telling"; that is, she can use the derivative nature of fiction as an integral part of her craft.
Now that we have the theory out of the way, let's move on to more practical applications. 
One of the myths of "showing" versus "telling" is that all dialogue must be told directly. In fact, you can save space and time - and develop your narrator's voice - by relaying dialogue indirectly instead of directly. In fact, in Action/Adventure pieces, this technique is a handy way to add characterization to your dialogue. Take this example from J.D. Salinger's "For Esme, With Love and Squalor."
"You were at choir practice," she said matter-of-factly. "I saw you."
I said I certainly had been, and that I had heard her voice singing separately from the others. I said I thought she had a very fine voice.
She nodded. "I know. I'm going to be a professional singer."
"Really? Opera?"
"Heavens, no. I'm going to sing jazz on the radio and make heaps of money. Then, when I'm thirty, I shall retire and live on a ranch in Ohio." She touched the top of her soaking-wet head with the flat of her hand. "Do you know Ohio?" she asked.
I said I'd been through it on the train a few times but that I didn't really know it. I offered her a piece of cinnamon toast.
"No, thank you," she said. "I eat like a bird, actually."
Note how Salinger, an expert craftsman, mixes direct and indirect dialogue. The fact that the narrator describes his own dialogue tags allows us to see what kind of man he is. Because most of the girl's dialogue is direct, it stands out all the more, allowing her voice to be even more distinctive. These little nuances are crucial for characterization, and helps balance the war scenes that come later in the story. Thus, calibrating indirect and direct dialogue can not only further characterization, but it can be used to add texture to scenes.
This is just one example in which "telling" can be your friend. Another, more drastic example appears in Catching Fire, the second book of Suzanne Collins' Hunger Games Trilogy. Take this scene at the climax of the book.
Haymitch sits directly in front of me. "Katniss, I'm going to explain what happened. I don't want you to ask any questions until I'm through. Do you understand?"
I nod numbly. And this is what he tells me.
There was a plan to break us out of the arena from the moment the Quell was announced. The victor tributes from 3,4, 6, 7, 8 and 11 had varying degrees of knowledge about it. ... Meanwhile, most of the districts in Panem are in full-scale rebellion.
Haymitch stops to see if I am following. Or maybe he is done for the moment.
It is an awful lot to take in, this elaborate plan in which I was a piece, just as I was meant to be a piece in the Hunger Games. Used without consent, without knowledge ... My supposed friends have been a lot more secretive. "You didn't tell me."
What a dramatic and ballsy move! Collins sums up the "reveal" of the book, having the plan "told" instead of "shown." And indeed, such reveals are sometimes more powerful than "shown" scenes. (There is no need for Darth Vader to "show" Luke that he is his father. It is enough that the information is simply stated.) It allows the writer to dwell on the main character's feelings and reactions, which are most important at this particular moment. And sometimes, even in Action and Adventure, moments of quiet calm, these expertly rendered reveals, are necessary to counterbalance quicker "shown" scenes. More practically, "told" scenes save space. Not everything in a story is worth dramatizing. In fact, your story might be better off if some information is simply told to the reader instead of shown; your piece will be less wordy and more compact.
As a closing, take these two same scenes, one "shown," and the other "told."
The battle raged around me. Behind me, Zander shrieked my name, calling for reinforcements. The dull thud of the enemy's footsteps registered in my brain. But I had eyes only for the girl lying wounded several yards away. To reach her, I hacked at a leering soldier who lunged at me, then thrust my sword into the gut of another. I reached Lesley and knelt by her.
"You came," she whispered, her breath ragged.
I held her tight to my chest, her weight heavy in my arms.
"I - I'm so sorry. I didn't protect you. I - I can't believe that - I didn't - you - " Tears began to fill my eyes.
"It's okay." She reached up and touched my face. "I love you."
She shuddered as she took a few more deep, labored breaths. I watched as the life disappeared from her eyes, then howled up at the sky, anger filling my body.
Now let's rewrite the scene, taking into account that sometimes, it's okay to "tell," especially to maximize emotional impact.
As I watched Lesley fall, her body like a flower bending in the wind, the battle ceased to exist around me. Zander's voice faded into the oblivion of my horror, and I was aware of the enemy only as obstacles keeping us apart. My arms moved mechanically, kicking, hacking, fighting my way toward her crumpled figure.
I dropped to my knees.
"You came," she whispered, her breath ragged.
My only response was to gather her up, to feel her against my chest, our hearts beating together. I couldn't speak. I mumbled a few words to her, words that meant nothing in this moment that hovered between life and death.
But she understood what I meant. Her fingers lingered on my face. "I love you."
Then she was gone.
The differences are incredibly subtle. Instead of having specific "fights," the second example generalizes the experience of a battle. Instead of showing the narrator's dialogue, the second example simply sums up the experience of speaking to a dying loved one. And instead of describing Lesley's specific passage into death, the second example chooses to simply state, "Then she was gone."
There are merits to both examples. However, I do think it is important to remember the ways writers must mix and match "showing" as well as "telling" in order to write scenes that work most effectively.
I hope that this newsletter was helpful - and I look forward to any feedback!
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Reader Feedback:
From LJPC - the tortoise : Great newsletter! You made good points about things to avoid and made it easy to understand. Your Editor's picks were great! -- Laura
Thanks, Laura! I'm glad that you enjoyed the Editor's picks!
From NickiD89  : Wonderful NL, Em! The example opening scene you provided illustrated perfectly how too much info can bog down the story's beginning and ruin the hook. Thanks for the very useful information!
Thanks, Nicki! I'm so glad that my examples made sense and that my newsletter could be useful to you.
While I don't write regularly for the Action/Adventure newsletter, I welcome any and all feedback! Thank you for reading! |
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Action/Adventure: January 05, 2011 Issue [#4169]
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