  Romance/Love
This week: Valentine's Day- Realistic Expectations Edited by: fyn  
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"Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction."
-Saint-Exupery
"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous."
-Ingrid Bergman
"There is no remedy for love but to love more."-Thoreau
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How do your characters handle St. Valentine's Day? Many times in romances set in modern times, it seems as if the day is either:
1. Skipped over entirely
2. Used either as an invitation for proposals or an elaborate set up for a 'dream' special date
3. Used as as an excuse for a big fight and/or a break-up or divorce.
Rarely is it treated as simply a 'special' day (note the lower case 's') where either it is thoughtfully remembered, considered an occasion for a special dinner or --gasp!-- forgotten in the general shuffle of life. In other words, the normal, everyday way it is treated. While we all love to escape into a romance novel, injecting a bit of reality into the story can also have a positive effect, be true to the characters and further the story along. This is where the Mars/Venus complication can add a layer of complexity or confusion or humor into the mix.
Consider the following examples: The male character had set up a fantastical dinner complete with champagne and violins playing in the background. He wasn't proposing, just wanted it to be special. Unfortunately, she was expecting a question to be popped along with the champagne. Then the waiter tripped and she ended up wearing her salad and the restaurant had run out of her favorite choice. Still thinking he was going to propose, she kept a smile plastered on her face, determined to be a good sport about the disaster. Desert came but no diamond. Moonlit drive home accompanied by soft music, but no proposal. He dropped her off at her door and didn't ask to come in because he knew she had an early morning meeting to prepare for. Her night was ruined. He thought it had all gone quite well, considering the clumsy waiter. The next morning . . .
Or this:
She bought his Valentine card two days before New Year's Day when she noticed they were already out on the store shelves. Even though the day was six weeks away, she already was thinking about what she'd make for dinner that night and considering what plans they might make for the evening. As the days pass, her plans solidify and she decides to recreate a special meal from the past. She hurries home from work, having gone in early that morning, consequently leaving the house before he was even awake. She flurries about making sure the house is neat, his glass chilling in the freezer, and puts together that special meal.
He arrives home late and is cranky and tired. And absolutely filthy. Nothing had gone right at work: one of the machines had broken and although he tried his darnedest, he couldn't fix it, thus a job that HAD to ship didn't, one of his workers had been injured because he hadn't followed the posted rules and the boss had told everyone that due to the economy, they were all being cut to seven hours a day. All he wants is his cold beer, time to decompress and to do nothing. Valentines Day? Huh? Oh . . .
Yes, these were real. And there are many ways these scenarios could have ended: Fights, tantrums, tears, or laughter, a back-rub, and dinner getting cold while listening to the day from hell. Let's face it. Valentine's Day tends to be far more important to the females of the planet than the guys. It isn't that they don't care, but that it isn't real high up on their priority list. "What? Just because it is 'that day' I should love you more? I love you every day."
Got to love Mars. But then there is Venus. "How could you forget? Don't you love me? Blah blah blah." He wonders if he should reconsider or if it is her 'time of the month.'
I expect there are many, many guys who if they weren't asked to 'stop at the store' on their way home to pick up some milk and lettuce wouldn't have thought about Valentine's at all until they walked right by the roses or cards or chocolate and had a 'light-bulb moment' thus saving themselves tons of grief when they got home. "Forget? Them? No way! " Uh-huh. Love you, dear. (and why, exactly, did we 'really' ask you to stop at the store?)
Why is it, I wonder, that in romance novels that everything always is hearts and flowers? Rose petal strewn pathways leading to where else? Violins playing in the forest? Mad, passionate encounters where everything works and fireworks explode overhead? Perhaps it is time for some realism. Who cares, really, if dinner gets cold because listening to him shed a lousy day is more important in the grand scheme of things? Isn't that why microwaves were invented? Handing him his cold beer after one look on his face shows love too! So he forgot a card, doesn't he make coffee every morning?
Ah, but we read them to escape our hum-drum lives. Sometimes, I truly feel that if we got things humming at home, we'd enjoy them just as much! Just because we cannot jet off to Paris for the night or spend three months salary on a pair of shoes doesn't mean that our 'little' lives are less or less fulfilling! Movie stars and celebrities love delving into romance novels too!
Love and romance are not just about hearts and flowers. There is so much more than that 'ideal' that is flaunted about by florist and candy industries as well as romance novels. There is loving, anyway, no matter that he forgot a card or had a bad day. There is that cup of coffee silently brought when ideas refuse to flow onto the page. There is the laughter over ridiculous things that only the two of you would ever understand. There are the times you both think the same thing and smile. There is the day to day 'muddling through impossible bills, money woes and cereal for dinner' that you go through together. Just imagine going through it alone!
Been there and done that too. I remember a) thinking that Valentine's Day was the worst day of the year and just a day to get folks to spend money they didn't have just to 'prove' they loved someone and b) being jealous as all get out and c) being bitter. I remember looking at friends and thinking that they had no clue how fortunate they were and wondering why they didn't appreciate each other more. I also remember being handed a card and being expected to think that the card would erase past abusive behavior. (not!) But then I also remember being alone and choosing that day to appreciate a good friend, a beloved aunt or do something special just for me. And now, I appreciate that I am loved and have someone special to love all the more.
I love it when I come across 'normal, everyday' moments in romance novels. Those goofy, silly times or those teeter-totter moments when things could go good or bad and seeing it happen in a way similar to something we have done. Escape? Those instances make the book not only an escape but make me feel as if my life is just that much more special!
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And for your reading pleasure and sure to bring a smile . . .
Love tributes . . .
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Write someone a love letter . . .
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From my last newsletter...
says:What an awesome idea, Fyn. It never ceases to amaze me how often I overlook the obvious. I really must open these eyes. Thanks for the reminder.
You're welcome
auric wrote: There is also the same feeling of a loss of friend when our pet passes away, I have come to experience in the past week. Our dog was 16 years old, and gave us so much love and always knew how to cheer us up when we needed it in that time. Reading this newsletter helped the grieving process go smoother for me. Thank you.
{{HUGS}} I'm glad the timing was such to be a help! Such a difficult time. Pets are family members every bit as much as the humans are.
Sssssh! I'm not really here.  comments: Brilliant hint you gave to the readers in this Newsletter, Fyn. Use pets as a way to have a character's internal thoughts expressed easily. Some writers find it awkward to project the inner thoughts of a character when there is no image of a spying ear listening to every verbal mumble when the character is alone in a room. They don't want the guy to sound too strange talking to himself, I guess.  Nevertheless, I think this will be helpful to many. 
Thanking you and hoping so!
Black Willow  says: I have a British Shorthair cat, her name is Daisy. Even though usually she is snobbish and goes to me or my parents only when she wants attention, when one of us is sick, she never leaves our side. That's one of the reasons why I disagree that cats are cold, unlike dogs.
Thank you for this newsletter!
I'll agree that there are some who classify cats as being independent and aloof. No me, though. Cats are indeed, incredibly special!
Alexandra Jones adds: This is so true, Fyn. When I think on it, the majority of my favorite novels, particularly in the fantasy genre, all include a pet for the main character to relate to and gain comfort from. It is a useful tool that also adds an element of warmth to a story, as well as depth to the characters. After all, you can tell so much about a person by the way they relate to animals. Thanks for sharing your story, and I'm glad your Bichon was there for you at the perfect moment. 
Me too! And it does serve as useful!
joniva said: very good story lines just need a bit more information
I'm sorry you didn't 'see' all the info that was there. I try not to tell folks that my newsletter is why one should do such and such, but rather show them, by example, of why certain ideas can work. *smile*
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Romance/Love: February 02, 2011 Issue [#4222]
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