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This week: Surviving Geographical Irregularities Edited by: Sssssh! I'm not really here.  
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February, my birthday month is finally over. Luckily for Web-Lock, it is also the shortest month of the year. Adventures a la WW & WL, here we go ...
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Hello, folks! Welcome to March, the month that we in the Northern Hemisphere look forward to, because it brings us spring. After a long, snowy winter, WL chose February to take me down South for a Valentine's Day and birthday, celebration vacation. 
My birthday is exactly one week after Valentine's day, so I get double the treats, so-to-speak. We left four feet of snow behind and drove toward the sunshine and warmth. Web-Lock planned to get me to Savannah, Georgia to celebrate Valentine's day at the historic River Walk. It is a romantic, cobblestoned area, filled with shops, eateries, hotels and sweet Southern charm. Below, I have listed useful information and warnings that may be helpful to you on your next trip.
"They've got you coming and going!"
"Hotwire" was the first step to getting a four star hotel for, well--cheap! Okay I admit it, we like paying less for luxury. The only one at the hotel who knows what a cheapskate you are is the clerk who checks you in.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Ma'am, your awards card won't count on this visit because you went through HOTWIRE." Oh, gee, could you have yelled that a little louder? I don't think the patrons of the deli across the street, heard it. 
I mean, it's not like you are saving that much money, when they have porters grabbing your luggage, doormen, smiling as they hold the door, parking valets hustling your vehicle to a parking garage of unknown where-abouts and an inside porter, who takes your luggage up to your room. 
Once inside the room, you are treated to a basket of goodies from gourmet shops in the area. Of course the minute you remove a munchable treat, an electronic sensor scans the price of the item to your room bill.
I tried to push aside all of that tipping, parking, munching nonsense by stopping at their in-house bar and ordering a margarita--a ten dollar margarita! And don't forget, when you check-out, you must pay for parking (imagine paying to park inside their hotel when you are a paying guest) and then tip the valet who brings you your car. Ka-Chingggggggggg!
"Ruth's Chris--A tongue twisting eatery." 
We dined at this wonderful restaurant with a strange name. "Ruth's Chris Steakhouse" I feel like I am lisping when I say it or something to that effect. I had to think about it a lot. I've heard this place advertised for years and always wanted to try it out when I got the chance. But mostly, I wanted to know why they chose such a name. It seems there were more Chris's in that family than one can keep track of, so this Chris--Ruth's son, Chris, is the restaurant owner. Case solved! See folks, this is just another little bonus I offer my readers.
"Do Floridians wear white in February? Northern visitors want to know!"
I packed just about everything under the sun for this trip. I had to consider leaving the colder North and easing into the warmer temperatures of the South. I just wasn't sure whether or not I should pack my white slacks and golfing outfits. I'm pretty sure the Floridians get sick of pastels and lean toward darker shades for fall and winter. They seem to get colder faster and wouldn't think about tank tops, yet. However, I am from the rugged Northeast and I heat-up pretty quickly, so tank tops were a must for travel, not to mention several pairs of flip-flops.
I must say that the year, 'rounders, tend to wear darker colors and longer sleeves, while the vacationers, dare to wear whites and pastels and still the winter lodgers fall somewhere in-between. They'll wear shorts, but they won't do the tank-tops just yet and the shoes are still covering the toes.
"Of course those are my nails--I paid dearly for them!"
This is the response you need to have handy when you are wearing flip-flops and have well-pedicured nails.
So, now you know! 
"Mis-introduction"
We settled in at WL's aunt's home in Florida. She is a recent widow and we were going to help uplift her spirits while we were there. We headed for a local golf course and things just got weirder after that.
Dear Web-Lock, saw an elderly gentleman and proceeded to introduce all of us to him. He thought he worked there and was asking an opinion about the course. His aunt thought the introductions were meant as an ice-breaker meeting to add a fourth player to our odd trio. In other words, she thought he was trying to fix-her-up with the old gent. I just stayed away from the fray and listened while she protested at his crude assumptions. He had no idea what she was thinking or exclaiming because he's practically deaf. I stood in the background and laughed at the misunderstood conversation going on between them.
"Can't we all just get along?"
WL is a stickler for decorum on the golf course. He tried to relay to his aunt, that since we were the slowest group on the golf course, and had already teed-off, that we should wait until the group behind us tee-off as well, to keep the timing smoother with a play always in motion. So, WL waved the group behind us to go ahead and tee-off. Just as he did that, his aunt told him to stop embarrassing her, she knows how to play the game. She proceeded to step onto the green to take her shot, amidst a hail of freshly teed balls.
I guess she was quite teed-off. Decorum be damned!
"Golfing with the alligators!"
Yes, there really are alligators roaming around Florida golf courses.  'Nuff said!
"It walks on water."
That's right, I wasn't golfing good or fast enough for my instructor, Web-Lock. I hit several balls, fantastic power shots, I might add, except they went straight for the water. Yes, folks, this course was built around several bodies of water. I was so tired of hearing, "this shot would have been good had you only turned your feet, ever so slightly." I lost ball after pink ball, to the alligators' den.
Suddenly, on the fifth hole, I slammed the ball with such intensity, looked up and watched it turn toward the water again. Yes, it did touch down in the wetness, only to skip along the top like a scaled rock and land on the green beyond the trap. It was a miracle hit, folks! 
"So there you go, WL! Beat that one!"
"Who needs sunblock, with olive skin, on a cloudy February day, in Florida?"
I do folks, I do! 
I hope these helpful hints will assist you on your next planned vacation.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
Ta,
WW |
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Winnie Kay 
The escapades of Web-Mom, as only Web-Witch could write it, was a delight to read. I got a clear picture in my head of this eighty-five-year-old running through the casino, trying to recover her bucket of nickels. I, for one, want to hear more about WM. She needs her own port so she can share her experiences with the Webs from her unique point of view. Great NL, WW!!
OMG, Web-Mom with her own port! How scary is that?!!! Web-Mom does a tell-all novella about WW.  I would have no place to hide.  Thankfully, she wants nothing to do with computers. She still cannot program her old VCR. We tried to get her a DVD player/recorder, but she adamantly refused. She said "you have to draw the line on these new-fangled things, somewhere!" It's a great attitude and we are all safe. 
yeahanothahone
Funny, are we attributing "not one thing it's [your] mother" to Gilda Radner? Thanks for your writing and theme!!!!!!! What did the puddle say to the mud?
My sediments, exactly!!!!!!!-------love, Bill:)!!!!!!!PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Very funny!
The lovely Ms. Radner, had an amazing sense of humor. She is missed.
Thank you so much for your feedback. 
RipRoaringWriter 
Yes, yes, hysterical! You received your light-heartedness from an obvious source!
Thank you, Amanda! Yes, my mother is the source of many of my problems--erh, I mean, characteristics. No, seriously, she has a wonderful sense of humor and her kids all received the comedic gene.
drjim
Now dear WW, just because Web Grandma has it in mind to 'live things up' doesn't mean we need to raise a ruckus! Heck, I didn't know that her missing Lucille Ball's orange tree would be the same as you... missing the Woodford Reserve Distillery in Kentucky! When, oh when, will we learn to listen to you tell us "Stop! STOP! I need to get out and take a SIP!!!!" Weeeeelll, WW, just 'tween you (hic!) and me (hell-o) - I didn't think we missed anything too extraordinary! Nevertheless, you'll see The Derby in all its glory next time, promise!
Sure I will--like the way I saw those dead Presidents carved in stone, out there in South Dakota. Let's just say I'll take a wait and see attitude.
Thank you for your feedback, folks. We editors really appreciate it!
See you at the end of month!
WW
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Comedy: March 02, 2011 Issue [#4259]
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