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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/newsletters/action/archives/id/4970-Descriptions.html
Fantasy: April 04, 2012 Issue [#4970]

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Fantasy


 This week: Descriptions
  Edited by: Satuawany
                             More Newsletters By This Editor  

Table of Contents

1. About this Newsletter
2. A Word from our Sponsor
3. Letter from the Editor
4. Editor's Picks
5. A Word from Writing.Com
6. Ask & Answer
7. Removal instructions

About This Newsletter

No matter if it's horror, fantasy, or a whimsical family tale, how you describe things plays a key role in the tone of your story. We'll go over some examples so you can see what I mean.


Word from our sponsor



Letter from the editor

Describing the story's world is especially important in speculative fiction stories where that world varies from our own. [Well, duh.] I know, I know. Bear with me. The problem is, with all these things a reader isn't familiar with, a fantasy writer sometimes runs into a tendency toward exposition that can bore readers. Yes, your creature's appearance is interesting, but what's it doing?

Let's launch into a couple of examples to make sure we're all on the same page before we go on.

This is your basic "telling" sort of description:

Black scales covered the creature's body, including its lizard-like face. A vertical pupil bisected each glowing green eye.

Depending on where you are in the story and what kind of story it is, that's not necessarily a bad way of doing things.

Now let's describe the creature while it's doing something:

When the creature stepped into the light, its vertical pupils contracted into lines, leaving the green irises more room to glow. Black scales rippled along its flank as it crouched down into the water.

Even the details are doing something. It's not just standing there to be described. You're picking up details as it goes along. The story keeps moving, and even with this small excerpt, you have questions to keep you going: Where'd it come from? Where's it going? Why is it in the water? Is it dangerous?

With the telling, the story pauses, the creature stands like an inanimate object, when even inanimate objects can come alive with the right kind of writing.

I don't argue that all stories should be told with the kind of writing that makes even inanimate objects come to life. In the end, only you can know your story and what's right for it. How you present things to the reader should fit the tone---build the suspense or make things feel safe. If you show instead of tell, you put an importance on the object, creature, scenery, and the moment. It has to be interesting, it needs to have a purpose, or else you might as well just tell it and get it over with.

For this kind of thing, we're going to move on to a different example. We'll use a mundane one, so we can focus on the writing.

The house was yellow with white shutters.

Doesn't get any simpler than that, and if the outside of the house is nothing but a passing note to the story, that really is all you need. Yes, there are a lot of more flowery ways to do it, but they each serve a purpose, and if you have no need of that in your story, then you have no need of the flowery description.

For instance, maybe you would like to take a moment to build the tension. Imagine it's a horror story and you want the reader to feel like something bad might happen at this house. By picking out details and giving them dark undertones, you give time for that tension to build:

Darkness clung to the grooves in the yellow siding. The shadows from the eaves colored the tops of the shutters a dull gray. The white where the sun touched them only highlighted the black of the glass they framed. Midnight lived inside, watching through the soulless eyes of the windows.

Maybe, though, the tone you need is more cheerful. We're giving readers a break, letting them go to a nice little house for a nice little visit.

The pale yellow siding gleamed between the dappled shadows of a sycamore. White shutters offset the darkened windows, promising a quaint, cheery living space.

We've only invoked one sense so far: sight. Twittering birds, the cough of a passing vehicle, the warmth of the sun, the smell of grass or dog doo---all these add to the scene. Invoking these senses get easier when you add the character, which is part of why there's advice out there about not starting a story off with scenery (and no character.)

To really let the reader in, put the character in it, interacting with the scene. When the reader can feel, hear, see, and smell (and occasionally taste) through the character, they become immersed in the story.

Abigail walked up the sidewalk. The click of her heels against the concrete put a beat to her determination. A breeze ruffled the leaves of a nearby tree and tripped down into her hair, pulling wisps of it from her bun. Her aunt had a house like this, a subdued shade of yellow with cheery white shutters. Her aunt's place would welcome a visitor with the scent of the roses that flanked the porch, but there were no roses here. There was only a broken porch railing and the birds that cackled and jeered from the trees.

All of those describe the same exact house, which is a real house near mine. By picking out certain details, you change the sense of the whole thing. It's up to you to shine a certain kind of light on the domiciles of your fantasy world, and on the creatures that inhabit them. One of the best ways to practice, however, is to study the objects of this world. See if you can describe a pen so that it's scary, or make a bloody Halloween mask seem cute.

It's all about what kind of story you're telling, and what kind of feeling you'd like to draw out of your readers. But never forget that, sometimes, it's just a yellow house with white shutters.


Editor's Picks

Okay, this first one isn't a speculative fiction story, but it is a great example of the kind of writing exercise every writer should try once in a while. The other "picks" use description in a variety of ways that caught my eye.

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1626021 by Not Available.

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1672864 by Not Available.

 Chapter One: Ambushed  (E)
As Vira waits outside her village, four men, set on malice, lurk in the fog around her.
#1857142 by S.Alexander Brown

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1857184 by Not Available.

 Book I - Part I - Hidden  (E)
Our heroes return in time to fight an evil dragon in a land of myth and magic.
#1539778 by Tadpole1

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1858964 by Not Available.

 The Puppet  (18+)
Would you try to remember the past, no matter how terrible, even if it risked your life?
#932204 by Schezar

 
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Ask & Answer

We'll get to comments on my previous newsletter, "Here There Be Magic?, in just a bit. First, I have a couple of corrections. The friend I mentioned in that newsletter got a chance to read it, and let me know he was in the sail of the submarine, on lookout. In his words, "If you're on the bow or the deck of a moving submarine, it's game over." At least, those were his words after I mentioned I had to keep newsletters (and retractions) pretty clean. *Wink*

Also, that "far-seeing" tool I mentioned. Yeah; binoculars. I swear, when he originally told me the story, I had some steampunk-esque contraption in mind.

In the future, I shall try to get him to read any stories of his I relay before I send them out.


Now, for readers' comments:

Soulhaven writes:

Fabulous. I totally agree on the magic of Science. As a Science post-grad, I struggled to put "magic" into my early work. But, now I have fun with coming up with "feasible" explanations for why it can happen.

I like that "feasible" in quotation marks. *Laugh* I know what you mean, and it is a lot of fun.


LJPC - the tortoise writes:

I have the same weird experience with streetlights going out as I pass under them, and I have a friend who does, too. You should see the amount of them we shut off when we go walking together! *Laugh* Thanks for the NL!
~ Laura

You and your friend are not alone! It's really cool to hear about someone else who's experienced that. Thanks for writing in with that!


Tadpole1 writes:

Thank you for the magical moment. The article put me on a submarine with a seaserpent and gave me a smile as proof.

Loved,

It

I am very glad to hear it. *Delight*


fyn writes:

Awesome newsletter! I so get you with the watch thing...they hate me so I did the only sensible thing...tossed it and now if I really NEED to know the time, I check my cell phone which, as it continues to work...mostly...serves the purpose quite well!

I found out recently that all my sources for telling the time fail me when the electricity goes out. I should probably invest in a battery-powered clock at some point. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one, on the watch thing. Thanks for writing in!


swanlakegrrl writes:

Absolutely! A school of fish moving across the surface like a completely en-sync collective has to be cooler than a sea serpent. It's magic, alright. Great newsletter. Thanks!

And thank you! I'm glad to find so many like minds!


Lynn McKenzie writes:

I agree that a school of fish impersonating a sea serpent is much cooler than the actual beast. The nicest thing about the phenomenon is that it explains the sightings of "sea serpents" without having to believe that someone was lying.

NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC is one of the most magical magazines I read regularly. Great material for one's imagination!

I love that about it, too---that explains the sightings without having to say anyone lied. And I love that magazine, too. It's been too long since I got it on a regular basis. I should remedy that. Thanks for reminding me!


dolce_nunu writes:

Thank you for sharing.

You're welcome. *Smile* Thank you for reading.


noheart writes:

XD Nice letter!!
Thanks for it!

Thank you! *Bigsmile*


skyangel2011 writes:

Why do uall put stories at the end of newletter that are in the private status. I get so upset with this. I get set to read a story that sounds interesting and then canot .

I apologize for this. Let me see if I can explain without just being confusing. *Smile* If you're talking about the "Editor's Picks" in that particular newsletter, they're not on private access. They're on "Registered Authors and higher only" access. (I concede that any writer, at any time, can change their item's access to "Private" at any point after an editor has linked it in a newsletter, but when I linked them, none were on more resticted access than the one I just mentioned.) There are a lot of items around Writing.com on that access, and you only have to add one item to your portfolio to be a Registered Author, and thereby see them. Since my newsletters are mainly for writers, and becoming a Registered Author is so easy, I didn't think that particular access would be a problem. I will think about Registered User readers in the future, but that doesn't mean there'll never be another story of "Registered Authors and higher only" access linked here. They're just too many good ones to pass up. *Smile*



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