  Short Stories
This week: Overabundant Description Edited by: Legerdemain  
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The purpose of this newsletter is to help the Writing.com short story author hone their craft and improve their skills. Along with that I would like to inform, advocate, and create new, fresh ideas for the short story author. Write to me if you have an idea you would like presented.
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| ASIN: B07B63CTKX |
Product Type: Kindle Store
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Amazon's Price: $ 6.99
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Overabundant Description
As a writer, I sometimes get carried away making my world visible to the reader. I can see all the cool features of a land created in my head and I want to share it all. Usually great for a novel, but a short story requires a smaller word count and some careful edit. Description is good, when it is necessary. When your characters are "travelling down a dusty and rocky road, nearing the wide slow-flowing river as it turns and heads south toward the city" and using more word count than they're allowed, it's time to trim to "travelling around the river bend".
When trimming word count and unnecessary descriptions, think about your story line. Is the description of the scene or character important to moving the story forward? Is it necessary to give your reader a scene description? Is your character important enough to the plot to be fully described or is it a minor character who could be left flat? Do you have too many adverbs and adjectives sprinkled in your story? Too much seasoning can ruin the soup.
In the opposite turn, look at your work and see if any character or scene needs fleshing out. Your reader needs to know your character has six arms if he suddenly uses three weapons. Most readers will give a character a human form if not shown otherwise. What would be holding the third weapon... If he slid down the cliff, landing lightly on his feet, you'd need to explain the gravity differential on that planet, or your reader would stop and question your writing.
So when editing your story, think about what is fat and what is lean, then season where necessary. Write on!
This month's question: What tricks do you use to trim the fat?
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Excerpt: Debbie had been trying to catch him for the past half hour. At first she laughed at his puppyish antics, but was now highly annoyed. She took a couple of steps closer, and Lexus turned and bounded off again. The carefully tended parkland was swallowed up by the dog's long, easy strides, trees easily navigable in the late afternoon sunlight. At a safe distance he stopped and regarded Debbie in a playful way. He reckoned this was more fun than chasing a silly yellow ball.
Excerpt: The Tzar wanted me to serve, to help Mother Russia defeat Japan. I looked at my notice, telling me to leave Poland and report to the army in two days.
| |  | Invalid Item
This item number is not valid.
#1936341 by Not Available. |
Excerpt: Pain flared hot and ugly over his left bicep when he reached for his tankard, but Dorian ignored it in favor of taking another measured swallow. The grainy alcohol dulled the bitter edges, but he wouldn't know for another day if he'd counteracted the poison soon enough. Brennen never misses with that wretched bow, I was lucky to escape with little more than a grazing, he mused, studying the murky liquid and ignoring the rumbled shouts of a dice game three tables down.
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#1936658 by Not Available. |
Excerpt: “Tell me about it,” Marcus responded. “I can’t tell you how many of these internet dates ended horribly. Do you know how many married “straight” men there are that get curious and want a sample of things on the other side of the fence? I mean, come on! I’m a person just like everyone else. I set up a date with a respectable site because I want to find someone worth spending time with. Not to become some bi-curious guy’s mistress.”
Excerpt: Has a thousand years passed, or only a hundred? I can no longer tell. I’ve given up the illusion of time. There is only the present, and I have come to realize that there has only ever been the present.
I do not remember my name, or if I have ever had one for that matter. Although in another life, I almost certainly did. Everyone has a name. Everyone has a face and a story; a past and a dream. I am not like them, for I have none of this. As I have said before, I’ve only the present. There is also the Emptiness, but that is not for me to have, because I belong to it.
| |  | Time to heal (ASR)
They say that time heals all wounds. This truth is tested in this cathartic journey
#1891795 by Karl  |
Excerpt: By the milky white light of the newly risen gibbous moon he searched, his hands caressing the stone to loosen centuries of sediment that obscured the carvings. He circled the obelisk until he found the carving that he sought, a primitive depiction of a group of humans worshiping the sun. He placed his index and middle finger upon the sun and twisted, first left and then back around to the right, and then he pushed in on the rotating disk. An audible click emanated within the stone and, with a shudder, a gap appeared around the perimeter of the carving.
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This item number is not valid.
#1591833 by Not Available. |
Excerpt: Mykel reached into Gran's pocket and took out five golden coins. He placed one on Gran's forehead. Then he stepped back, crossed his chest with his hands, bowed his head and said, "Barak galom."
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This month's question: What tricks do you use to trim the fat?
Last month's question: Have you used an expected character trait to create an unexpected twist?
StephBee - GOT Survivor  replied: I can't say I used an expected character trait, but in my story, "The Green Rose" , I worked it in that the nobility of the world had the ability to bond with the animals of their area. It added a nice dimension to the characters.
Zelphyr  answered: One that comes to mind is a half-elf who is neither fair and elegant, nor cheery and mischievous. Rather than the typical elven traits, she's blunt, loud, occasionally foul-mouthed, and a bit of a brawler. For another, I have a young woman named Faith who is guided by it (optimism-kind, not religious) - even in betraying her "guardian." That guardian, meanwhile, physically and mentally all things cold, hard, and unforgiving, except in having a soft spot for kids (who she, uh... kidnaps and raises in cult-like fashion).
Sparky sent: Nothing like writing using an iPhone to force fat free characterisation! In the resurrection of Coke I wrote straight from memory and as Jay the Judge of "The Writer's Cramp - Poetry Week" commented; my characters were somewhat disorderly and the main one brought to life much earlier. Perhaps I'll spend a tad more time and shuffle things around so it makes sense BEFORE I submit it.
At least in short stories you haven't got myriads of character details to keep juggling in your head, and can use the briefest of innuendos or hints to "picture build" the entity. |
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Short Stories: June 05, 2013 Issue [#5714]
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