  Comedy
This week: Drive-By! Edited by: Sssssh! I'm not really here.  
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Can you find humor in harsh reality? Granted, it may be a challenge to turn a dark situation into a humorous event, however, it's not an impossibility. Let's take a look... |
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When I lived in a large city in California, many years ago, I encountered what life would be like amidst such fine, upstanding groups of people known as "Bloods" and "Krips." Don't get me wrong, I lived on a pretty good side of town. It's just that these particular gangs didn't stay within their usual turf when they needed a particular short-cut to their destination. Thus, they would wreak havoc on neighborhoods when they were on a mission to exterminate one another. At 10:00 p.m. starting on Friday and ending on Sunday in the wee hours of the morn, the stop sign at the corner by our house ceased to exist and a two-way street became a one-way race-strip. (God help the cross-street, stray car or two trying to pass-through!)
We'd watch as they'd buzz on by, side-by-side for a block or more, probably to visit one of their injured comrades-in-crime, at the very close-by, local hospital. After their visit to find out about their buddy, they would be a little pissed-off over who did what to what's his face and be hell bent on getting even--with somebody!
Being in a good neighborhood and all, they'd render a warning shot before the actual drive-by shooting. When I heard the warning shot, I grabbed my children and placed them in an interior hall of our home, where there were no windows and tell them to drop to the floor. They got really good at learning that form of self-protection.  It makes a mother proud!
One evening, I had to ask my brother, who lived on the other side of the country to hold-on the phone for a few minutes, and in a timely fashion each child was in their duck and cover position. I returned to my phone call when the lead settled. "Now where were we, Web-Brother?"
"Web~Sis, did I just hear gunfire when you left the phone hanging?"
"Why yes, I guess you did, WB. That happens every so often here. It's what life is like in the big city. We'll try to move when school is out, but that doesn't guarantee this stuff won't happen at a new residence. "
Web-Brother called another night, not long after the previous incident and after a few minutes of conversation, heard more gunfire. The action taking place was further down the street. I could actually see the muzzle-flash from the guns going back and forth across an open field. He again warned me about the danger and that I should move immediately! I tried to calm him down by explaining the warning-shot theory, that we know when they're coming ahead of time and do our duck and cover routine. It just happens to be a convenient back street to the local hospital, they have no interest in us, personally. 
"Oh, warning shots, now I feel so much better.  Are you crazy?!!! Get the bleep outta there!" 
One day, I was watching my children and their friends play outside. I couldn't identify what game it was. I thought some kind of hide-and-seek where everybody finds a bush to hide in, but didn't understand what came next in their rules. My curiosity got the best of me, so I stepped off the porch and asked the girls what they were playing. A couple of my daughters answered in unison, "We're playing drive-by, Mom!"
"Oh, really, well how does that work if you are all hiding in the bushes? Does anyone win the game?"
"Mom, it's easy, one of us is the announcer who yells out "drive-by" and the last one to make it into a safe position loses and has to take the place of the announcer. The first one to find a safe place has claim to that spot and no one else can join her there. They have to find their own duck and cover place before the countdown is over. If they are left standing, or within the announcer's view, they lose!"
I thought to myself, well, what harm could that be? I prefer they are aware of the danger that sometimes makes its presence known in the hood. It's a good thing to learn how to duck and cover somewhere outside the house, also. Again, it made this mother proud! 
Several weeks had passed since that day they played drive-by. My youngest at the time came shopping with me at a local warehouse-type store. She loved the free samples of food they would have there. As we strolled the aisles leisurely, we heard the familiar pop. Both my daughter and I hit the floor. It was a beautiful thing! Both of us had one, fluid motion into the zone of safety. 
We wondered why we were the only ones taking cover. Other shoppers in the aisle were looking up at the ceiling.
Yes, folks, Web~Daughter and I took our duck and cover position from a burst light bulb!  Gotta love our reflexes, eh?
It's better to be safe than sorry. We lifted ourselves off the floor, dusted off a bit and kept walking with our flushed faces held high.
One Christmas, I alternated strands of red, white and blue lights along the porch bannister. Then, a couple weeks before Christmas, I noticed my strand of red lights was missing! Well, I didn't know whether to think that the Krips didn't want the red color showing, so they stole the lights; or the bloods took the red lights for themselves, being it was Christmastime and all, and wanted to decorate their rooms. That remains a mystery.
"But Web~Witch, this is the Comedy Newsletter, and there is a lot of scary stuff going on here!" I hear you. However it is good to know that in the real world of writing, an author can place comedic humor in a mystery, drama, adventure and yes, even horror. It can give your characters more depth of, well, character.
Okay now, where was I? Oh, yes; the other game that was often played in the homes and yards of the neighborhood children, was the good-old standby called shake or break. Yup, that's another fine game to learn when living in the earthquake paradise known as California.
Sometimes I really miss that place.
I'm done shooting-off my mouth for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter, folks.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
Ta,
Web~Witch |
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BIG BAD WOLF is hopping 
Also submitted an item:"Redwall Interactive" ., Comments:
Did you go to the Quaker Steak and Lube wing place? Been meaning to go there and dine on their wings. Heard their Challenge is Near Unbeatable.
I have not gone there, yet, but you piqued my curiosity. WL and I will plan to go to one in an area closest to us. Doesn't matter, WW doesn't fear the hot wing--any hot wing! I'll let you know when I finally get to try the hot wings at Quaker Steak and Lube.
LostGhost: Seeking & Learning 
LOL. I have never eaten the wings as I'm a vegetarian, but we Indians love spicy food. I think I can also handle the spices well. Though sometimes, my eyes and nose may stream, but that is normal. Thanks for a good read. 
Thank you, Lost Ghost, for your comment! When I go to an Indian restaurant, I always ask for "Indian hot" on the heat scale. They look at me, laugh and try to spice-down the heat. When they come over to ask if it was spicy enough, I tell them it wasn't up to my code of heat, that it couldn't have been "Indian hot." It's at that point they begin to accept me as a serious customer when asking for the high heat. No problems thereafter. That also works in the Thai, restaurants, with the Thai hot.
billwilcox
Well, Witchy-poo you've written another awesome newsletter. Spicy food scares me, but bland food tastes...well, bland. I like rich food: cream, butter, that sort of thing. I'm sure bacon is on that list too
Well, Bill, life shouldn't be bland--E-V-E-R! There's always a classic filet Mignon OR huge, Cowboy steak, wrapped in bacon, with an enormous baked potato stuffed with tons of sour cream and butter; not to mention homemade rolls with copious amounts of Irish butter melting all over it, filling every nook and cranny. Then, you have a fabulous, creamy, Italian cheesecake for dessert--and throw-in a canolli or two, just for fun! I'd better stop, I'm making myself hungry!
LJPC - the tortoise 
WW, my eyes are tearing and my throat burning just thinking about eating the uber-hot wings you scarfed so easily. I like spicy, but more the garlicky type of spice, not jalapeno type. Those things just hurt! Great NL!
~ Laura
You don't know what you're missing, Laura! But, then, it wouldn't be much fun if you didn't have a pair of expensive shoes on the line, I guess.
drjim
Well, Webbie, it IS true, you won the Challenge, and the Fergie-licious heels were yours to wear soon after. SO PROUD OF YOU! I am now planning a TOUGHER challenge involving wicked, wicked HOT wings made with like this little known Pakistani hot pepper that is said to rate at 2 MILLION Scoville Units. Two chefs brought some back from Asia, began cooking them in their hi-rise apartment, and promptly 'smoked' themselves with their own tear gas...right out of their Man Cave! NOT UNLIKE that time whereby you gave the household a bold 'flavor' while making KILLAH WINGS that, in prompt order, had the men of the house fleeing with eyes in tears, noses and mouths covered ... and seeing Elvis. How could we thank you for such culinary bravado?!? Busy writing a short story: "SO ... I Married A Hot Pepper Murderess" ... or something. Just kidding - I think. Meanwhile, back on the ranch...
Hmmmm, another challenge? Bring it on, WL. Bring it on! Oh, and what's in it for me, BTW?
Thank you for your feedback, folks. We editors really appreciate it!
See you next month.
WW |
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Comedy: June 19, 2013 Issue [#5718]
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