  Spiritual
This week: Does Our Past Dictate Our Future? Edited by: Kit of House Lannister  
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How much of our lives do we spend overcoming our upbringing? Can we ever escape our early lessons completely? And what can a parent do to best prepare their offspring for their adult years?
This week's Spiritual Newsletter is all about the past, and its effects on our future.
kittiara |
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It is said that we are shaped by our past. From our earliest days, impressions are left on us, and those around us – those we look to for answers – help us make sense of the world. We learn what is good and what is bad. We are taught who to trust and who to avoid. We also learn who we are, and where we stand in relation to others. That supposed knowledge stays with us throughout our lives.
What if what we've been taught is wrong, though? Some children are raised by loving parents, who inspire them and teach them self-worth. Other children learn that they are not worth anything – that they are ugly, and useless, and will never achieve their goals. Then there are well-meaning parents who push their kids towards dreams that aren't really theirs, or inflict damage without ever intending to. Parenting is a tough gig that nobody can truly prepare for, and ultimately, everyone makes mistakes. Most parents do the best job they can.
The thing is, children can leave childhood with a head filled with incorrect ideas. Little girls who've been dragged to beauty pageants by overly enthusiastic parents can end up crushed when their teenage years bring frizzy hair, bouts of acne, and all of a sudden it's no longer all about looking cute and pretty. Little boys set upon a career of being a legendary sports star can find their first injury shatter their hopes of success. Yes, these are stereotypical examples, and I feel duly ashamed, but these things happen. More difficult, perhaps, is it for those children, male and female, to overcome a lack of love and a sense of utter worthlessness. If those who are meant to show you unconditional love fail to do so, how, then, can they trust that anyone else will see something of value in them?
On top of all these lessons, many of us set our first footsteps on our spiritual path under the watchful eyes of our family members. It is common for children to believe what the people around them believe – after all, if something is served up as a fact, how is a child to know any different? It is only later in life that we truly seek the answers to all our questions, and don't take “because” at face value. Some will remain in the faith they grew up in, whilst others find a different faith, or discover that they don't believe in any kind of higher power. This can be an interesting journey, though for those who daren't give up their faith out of fear of doom and hellfire, or a fall-out with their families, it can be traumatic.
How much of our lives do we spend overcoming our upbringing? I'm not entirely certain. I know from friends around me, and from my own experience, that when you're in your thirties, quite a few people look back and try to make sense of it all.
This is by no means a criticism of parenting. As mentioned above – most parents, the vast majority, in fact, do the very best they can. It's just that the child isn't the parent; they may have a different personality, and different goals and dreams in life, and what is right for the one may not be right for the other. Siblings may vary to a great extent. A parent cannot be expected to understand their child completely, as most of us adults don't tend to understand ourselves completely. How, then, can we expect those around us to cater to each and every one of our needs? Unexpected circumstances, too, can play a part. Illness, redundancy, accidents, all those things that life throws in the way of even the most carefully made plans...
So, what can a parent do to best prepare their offspring for their adult years? Everyone's answers are different, I'm sure. Mine would be to allow your children to dream their own dreams. Allow them to ask questions and come to their own conclusions. Cheer them when they succeed, and encourage them when they fail, but don't push them too hard when their hearts aren't in it. Be there for them. Communicate with them. Spend time with them. Above all, love them, and let them know that you do and are always there for them.
I think that if you do all that, you can't go far wrong.
kittiara
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The Spiritual Newsletter Team welcomes any and all questions, suggestions, thoughts and feedback, so please don't hesitate to write in!
shaara - Your personal story was a delight to read. I was so glad you met your goal, saw a bit of the meteor shower. Good for you. Another example of persistence paying off. It's so easy to give up when you fail the first time, but you didn't. Bravo!
Thank you, Shaara! It still brings a smile to my face now .
~~~
Donnamae  - One evening, after a particularly difficult day at work, I arrived at my apartment building, got out of the car, and beheld a beautiful, shimmering blue-green curtain of light in the heavens. I lived in Minnesota at the time, but didn't expect to see one, as I lived right in a city. Normally these are seen further north, away from lights. I woke up my then teenaged son and forced him to come out to see it. He was glad I did, for we moved, and never saw one again.
Sounds like it happened just when you needed it. What a blessing! I am glad you and your son had that experience, and thanks for sharing it with us!
~~~
Wishing you a week filled with inspiration,
The Spiritual Newsletter Team
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Spiritual: September 11, 2013 Issue [#5883]
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