  Drama
This week: Those Tricky Little Words Edited by: Kit of House Lannister  
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Some words are incredibly handy components of sentence construction. Sadly, they're also easy to overuse...
This week's Drama Newsletter is all about the dangers of repetition.
Kit of House Lannister |
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The following scenario happens far too often - I'll be writing a story and finding myself throwing in a "just", or a "though", or a "but", not even noticing that this is the so-manieth occasion that I have done so. It is only when I look back at the piece that I realise I have done it again... I have taken the easy route, trying to get my thoughts down. I'll have to restructure my sentences to make it less obvious.
I know that I am not the only one who does this. As a reviewer, I notice it in other people's work and if the repetition is too eye-catching, I will leave a little note about it. It even happens to bestelling authors. Have a look at the following opening paragraphs, for example:
The storm had broken.
Pug danced along the edge of the rocks, his feet finding scant purchase as he made his way among the tide pools. His dark eyes darted about as he peered into each pool under the cliff face, seeking the spiny creatures driven into the shallows by the recently passed storm. His boyish muscles bunched under his light shirt as he shifted the sack of sandcrawlers, rockclaws and crabs plucked from his water garden.
Did you spot the problem? If not, I will highlight it:
The storm had broken.
Pug danced along the edge of the rocks, his feet finding scant purchase as he made his way among the tide pools. His dark eyes darted about as he peered into each pool under the cliff face, seeking the spiny creatures driven into the shallows by the recently passed storm. His boyish muscles bunched under his light shirt as he shifted the sack of sandcrawlers, rockclaws and crabs plucked from his water garden.
The issue is that of noticeable repetition, in this case of the word “as”. I apologise to Mr. Raymond E. Feist here, as the example comes from his novel Magician. Which, by the way, is a wonderful novel, and I would certainly recommend it. Lovely man as well - you can find him on Facebook and he happily interacts with his readers. I've just chosen that paragraph to highlight how easy it is to fall into the repetition trap.
So, "as". It's a handy word. It binds actions together, and enables a sentence to flow. Once you pick up on an author using it repeatedly, though, you can't stop noticing it, and that can be highly distracting.
The humble “as” is not alone in being overused. Other such words are “but”, “so”, “just”, “then” and “though”. As I mentioned above, I'm guilty of just about all of them, though I tend to avoid the “as”. There, you see? I used two of them in that sentence.
The problem with these words is even when you are editing it's easy to overlook them. Areas of focus tend to be inconsistencies in the plot, the appeal and believability of the characters, all the way down to typos and repetition of bigger words. The small ones can slip through the net. I've taken to doing a word search on my lengthier items in case I've used them too often.
Mr. Feist is certainly not the only bestselling author who repeatedly uses “as”. One author who immediately springs to mind is Lynsay Sands, and there are many others.
Why, then, is it something to worry about? If big publishing companies don't care, why should you?
The way I see it is that if you want to be published, it is best to tackle any and all potential problems. It's a tough market out there, with fierce competition. Sure, if your story or novel is outstanding, and its only issue is a repetition of a minor word, it may still be accepted, but the rewrite can be a pain. And if there are several other outstanding works to compete with yours – works that only require a minor edit – that repetition may lead to rejection. It's better to check your work before you submit it, than regret it later on.
It's important to state here that it's fine to use those words. They are helpful. To Mr. Feist's credit, he doesn't carry on as he did in those first few lines, despite a frequent use throughout the book. It's simply a case of not using them too close together, and I am glad that he didn't all the way through, otherwise I may have had to stop reading and that would have been a shame. He's a very talented writer and I would definitely recommend his work.
I have to point out issues of this kind on a regular basis, and I am certain that other reviewers can do the same with my own items. So, I am sorry to add another check point to your editing, but I feel that, in the end, it will be worthwhile.
Kit of House Lannister
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Drama: October 26, 2016 Issue [#7939]
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