  Mystery
This week: To Be or Not To Be - A State of Being Edited by: Marci Missing Everyone  
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Hello!
I'm Marci and I'm your guest editor this week. Many of you might know me for my poetry writing, but did you also know I write romantic suspense/thriller novels? I am currently working with Love Inspired to sell my first Christian romantic suspense, and I'm here to share an important element that I have recently learned about in suspenseful writing! Active vs. Passive
"I believe in the verb, not the noun - I am not a writer, but someone compelled to write." - Richard Flanagan
“This is not the time to be passive. This is the time to shape, sculpt, paint, participate… the time to get sweaty, to get dirty, to fall in love, to forgive, to forget, to hug, to kiss… this is the time to experience, participate and live your life as a verb.”
― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience
“Don't say you're a writer if you're not writing. Even if you're writing, don't call yourself a writer. Say instead, 'I write.' It's the verb that's important, not the noun.” ― Patti Digh, Creative Is a Verb: If You're Alive, You're Creative |
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To be or not to be? Even though I’m sure Shakespeare liked a good murder mystery that is not the question today. Actually, we are going to discuss active writing versus passive writing and how it plays an important role in your mystery/suspenseful writing.
In case you don’t know, let me discuss the difference between active and passive writing. Passive writing tends to contain a plethora of state of being verbs in the majority of the sentences of your story. I used to be horrible at writing like that. One day my mentor read through a chapter of my first novel. She gave me a piece of advice that changed my writing life. She told me to cross out every instance of the word ‘was’ and rewrite the sentence with an active verb. This invaluable exercise made me realize how much I needed to tighten my writing. Since I generally write in past tense, this can also go for the word ‘were’. If you write in present or future tense, you should do the same thing with ‘is’ and ‘are’. I mean, sometimes you can’t eliminate them one hundred percent, but you should get as close as possible.
Let me show you some simple examples.
Marci was standing near the counter.
Marci stood near the counter.
Daniel was looking for a pen.
Daniel searched for a pen.
Do you see how the second sentence in each example sounds stronger? It surprises me now how I didn’t see this before. Once you grasp the concept, you’ll find it in every book you read and review. Remember, that passive writing comes across as wordier and weaker than active writing. Active writing will always make your work tighter and stronger.
Okay, since you get the concept now, let’s go on to a passage that may be a bit more complicated. This is an excerpt from an old short story of mine and has since been rewritten. But I thought it would be a good exercise in fixing passive to active writing.
Ellie continued to her table as though she had not heard what the old biddies were saying. She sat down next to her mother and younger sister. She detested having to attend this ladies tea that was hosted by the Duchess of Cambridge. The Season was drawing nigh, but several members of the peerage had yet to leave.
Ellie continued to her table acting aloof to what the old biddies said. She sat next to her mother and baby sister. The Duchess of Cambridge hosted this ladies tea, but Ellie detested having to attend. The season drew nigh, but several members of the peerage had yet to leave.
I know this story isn’t a mystery or suspense, but I had to show you the process first. A few months ago I wrote a Mystery Newsletter "Mystery Newsletter (June 15, 2016)" about pacing in a scary or horror story. Pacing is the most important element in suspenseful scenes, and if you can’t write tight, then you can’t pace the scene. Using clipped sentences and concise verbs needs to become common practice. I recently read a mystery that drew out the scenes too much and didn’t make my heart race in the least. I’m not quoting verbatim at all here, but the scene went something like this…
Sasha stopped because thought she was hearing footsteps. They were soft echoes. She was running now, as fast as could. Her goal was to get to her car as soon as possible. It was only then she could possibly feel safe. And there it was. Her car was only a few feet away. But then the man with the ski mask was there between her and safety. What could she do now?
I am not exaggerating here. I couldn’t even finish the book. Okay, first try to fix it yourself, and then scroll down to see my solution.
Are you ready?
Did you get rid of all the “was” words?
Here we go!
Sasha stopped short. Footsteps! Soft echoes that grew closer by the second spurred her into action. She ran toward her car. With only a few feet separating her and safety, a man with a ski mask stepped into her path. What could she do now?
I would love to see your version for my next Mystery Newsletter.
Until next time… live, laugh, and write! 
~ Marci
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Response from the Mystery Newsletter dated July 13, 2016 - Hide Your Laptop
From Elycia Lee ☮ 
What a way to start a newsletter!  These are very good suggestions. I've a problem getting into stories. I'd be so terrified of my own thoughts, I end up hiding somewhere and not writing it. It's very hard to hide from your imaginations. I should know. So, no. I won't Google 'creative ways to die'.
I feel ya here... My husband has decided he doesn't like my murder ideas. It keeps him on his toes, but he's the last person I would ever kill off. 
From J. A. Buxton 
"The Best and Worst of Times - version 02"
I thoroughly enjoyed killing my various characters in offbeat ways. Below are only two, which I might or might not have included in my series of forensic stories.
01. A man had a fight with his wife and pushed her face into the beanbag’s ripped surface. She struggled to breath when the Styrofoam balls started getting into her lungs and finally died from asphyxiation.
02. A person died from too much water intake. His body systems start to fail when the electrolyte levels get dangerously out of balance. Eventually, he was in trouble with swelling of the brain, which is also known as cerebral edema. This led to brain damage, paralysis, and death.
Ooooo... These are some great ideas.
From DB Cooper
I used succinylcholine to implicate a character in a story.
Sucs is definitely an interesting thing to work with. Done correctly, you could keep someone alive but asleep for a long time. Cool idea!
From StephBee - House Targaryen 
Thumbs up on a great newsletter!
Thanks!
From Detective
Always research. Always. Whether you use the internet, books or both (like me), research is instrumental in crafting a story, regardless of genre.
Absolutely!!!
For next time, submit your fix for the paragraph I gave you in the newsletter. |
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Mystery: November 30, 2016 Issue [#8000]
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