  Drama
This week: A Tryst with Empathy Edited by: THANKFUL SONALI Now What?  
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Empathy is a huge part of human relationships and communication.
And the lack of empathy leads to conflict at many levels -- a good starting point for a drama writer. |
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Dear Reader,
It began innocently enough. With the question, "So what would you like as a birthday gift?"
At that time, I couldn't think of something special, so I said, "Oh, that's fine, get me anything." What I didn't realise was, that this being a milestone birthday for me (my 50th), this friend had put aside a big budget to get me something. I know, I know. I'm lucky to have a friend like that. Yes, I am, I'm blessed. But unfortunately, what followed was a bit of a conflict.
Here's how it unfolded.
A few days after our 'get me anything' conversation, we were talking again, about something else, when she suddenly said, "I've ordered your birthday gift and it's something that is perfect for you." Somehow, hearing her tone, my antennae went up. "Trouble!" I thought. "Listen, tell me what you've ordered. Forget about keeping it a surprise," I pleaded. I was met with a chuckle.
But then, a couple of days after that, she suddenly pinged me on Facebook. "Here's what I've ordered." There was an advertising video.
She had ordered a gold-plated epilator ... for my facial hair.
(Reader -- insert your own feelings here. Notice what they are. I'm not going to insist you feel anything particular, but I hope you are feeling something now!)
(Pause to let the readers notice their feelings, deep breathing.)
Did I say I am not going to insist on you feeling something particular?
I lied. Sort of.
I hope you're feeling outraged.
I mean, an EPILATOR? Really?
What's she trying to say -- "Hello, happy fiftieth, your moustache and beard need taking care of" ... ?
I asked if she could cancel it. She said no, it had been ordered.
So then I spoke to another friend, who said she had been in the know about this gift, and she felt it was very thoughtful, since I do have a problem with facial hair and need to get it 'done' often.
According to me, if someone is planning on something that personal and that expensive, they should ask first. I can't use an epilator .... for various reasons like thickness of hair, lack of pigment and so on. (Does she think I haven't tried already?)
Then I remembered, she had asked, and I'd said 'anything'. (Anything except ... an epilator!  )
Anyway, we're close enough for me to talk to her ... so I did, on a chat ... telling her she should've asked first. She said she thought it would be a nice surprise. She also implied that I was being backward by not using it. I told her she always tried to make me be something I'm not.
Here's her response, verbatim.
That is not true. I am sorry if you feel like that. Really. You are amazing as you are. And it's not you, it's me. And that's not a dialogue, it's true. Even in my own house, I am always trying to tidy things and make everything just so... so I do have that nature, but it's not directed only at you...See how diff perspectives are... i would looove someone to do that for me... so i assume that the rest of the world thinks like me... which is dumb i know... i just realised, i do that with G, with S, with my other friends. Oh no.
So how did all this end? With her keeping that epilator and buying me a book I really wanted. We are as thick as we ever were. Thicker, actually, now that we've weathered this little storm together.
But in the meantime, the whole thing had got me thinking.
She is always on about my clothes, my haircut, my shoes ... whatever, and I always found it a bit annoying but put up with it as one of her quirks.
Was I, in fact, being the one without empathy?
Did I not see that she was doing it because she wanted someone to do it for her? She was doing unto others as she would have them do unto her, and nobody realised it!
I have never told her that her smoking habit worries me, or that sometimes the outfits she chooses don't flatter her figure. Maybe she'd like me to tell her that? But does anyone like to be told such things? Do I assume she doesn't because I don't? Shouldn't I catch the vibe she's trying to give out, by what she does unto me?
And here's where the conflict and the drama comes in.
Who is it, who lacks empathy? Her, or me, or both of us? And what are the human v/s. human or human v/s. self battles that are being fought here? What will happen if I try to implement what I'm thinking now -- which is, to tell her, the next time she smokes in my vicinity, that her smoking bothers me for her health and mine. How will she react? Will she be happy I'm interfering, or will she say 'it's none of your business'?
The thing is, I have no idea. Because I am not able to get under her skin, and think or feel the way she does. I lack empathy.
Thanks for listening!
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Thank you for the feedback for "Drama in the anti-climax"
Christopher Roy Denton 
Awesome anecdote, Sonali! I really feel bad for the poor guy with the missing poem, not to mention your dad with the biiiiig bill! Lol
Quick-Quill 
Drama is in the telling. Giving the reader too much information takes away from the drama. The reader must feel the same way the father did. Sympathize with his embarrassment at the lack of money. Then the finish where the coworkers come to his rescue stating this had been their treat to his daughter. They allowed him to add a portion to the bill. I knew the ending before you told it.
Ed's response: Yep, you did, since you were seeing it from the point of view of someone writing about it! Thanks for the feedback!
ԜԜ On The Road Again! 
Oh, your Dad is such a sweet man, Sonali. We got to know him a bit while you were undergoing eye surgery and the long recovery. He kept us up to date and entertained. 
Hey, it was his big heart and the thought that counted. He wanted to share in his daughter's happiness on her birthday. I bet the next time their was a celebration, he brought a fatter wallet!!! Say hello to Dad from me.
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Drama: November 08, 2017 Issue [#8579]
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