Sheets

Sheets

“Their passage had been booked.”

Emma got into her car, stuck the key in the ignition, and adjusted her mirror. As the engine started, Emma’s mind floated away to where she was headed. She couldn’t wait to see Shawn. As she reached back for her seat belt, she extended her right arm towards the radio.
“Damnit, what is wrong with the radio?!”
Emma didn’t care; she pulled out of the driveway and continued on her way. She thought about how well things were going. She had just graduated from high school with the top GPA in her class, was headed off to Brown University in the fall with the love of her life, Shawn, and her father’s heart was finally healing. If only the stupid radio was working: it had only been three weeks since Shawn and her bought it together, and it had been really expensive. Emma suddenly realized she had reached Cedar Drive, and quickly signaled her left turn, slowly passing her old elementary school. That’s where she met Becky, and Shawn. A place where the memories that made up her childhood took place, a place she wouldn’t see for months next year. The emotions flooded her heart, and she felt her eyes fill up with tears. *Wow, I need the radio. I cannot start crying again. Why the hell isn’t the radio working? I can’t believe I just bought it, and it’s already messed up. Shawn is going to freak out at the guy in the store.* Emma finally reached her favorite restaurant, Dairy Queen, and pulled into the lot. She went over and parked next to Shawn’s car. As she walked in, Emma saw Shawn already sitting down, with a large blizzard, like always. She walked up and kissed him on the cheek.
“Why did you order without me?”
“I didn’t know when you were going to show up” Shawn replied.
“Sorry, I’m only like five minutes late. I’m going to go order, I’ll be right back”
Emma stood up and ordered her food. Like always, she got a large Oreo blizzard and small fry. As the man handed Emma her food, she thought about the night ahead. They were going to go to a drive-in movie, and then back to Shawn’s house for the night, just like every month. She went back and sat down with Shawn.
“So, what’d you do all day?” Emma asked.
“Hm, I helped my mom around the house, and then cleaned up my room. At like 12, me and Robbie went out to lunch. Then I went home, showered and came here”
“Sounds like fun. Guess what? My dad’s finally coming home tomorrow afternoon. My mom wanted to know if you wanted to come over for dinner with the whole fam.”
“Sure, I’m glad your dads coming home.” Shawn hesitated.
“Alright, well don’t get too excited.” Emma reached down and poked Shawn’s ribs with a smile on her face.
“Well, we should go. You can bring your blizzard to the movie”
“Alright let’s go”
They walked out to the car, and Emma noticed that Shawn’s arm had a huge cut on it. She would mention it later. Emma walked over to his car, and opened up the door. As soon as she got in, she leaned into him, and softly kissed his lips.
“So, did you get your bedding yet? Have you talked to your mom about us living together next year?” Emma asked, her face still very near his face.
Shawn pulled his face back from hers and replied:
“Nah, the bedding is in the mail. My mom ordered it last week. I’m not sure about living together; we have to talk about Brown when we get home”
Emma’s eyes got worried and Shawn could see it. He leaned in quickly and kissed her, this time for much longer. She pulled back, and he started the car. After they got out of the parking lot, Emma reached over for his hand, and held it tight. When she looked over, this arm had a few more cuts. What happened to Shawn’s arm? *I wonder if this morning, he was helping his mom move in firewood. I’m sure that’s what it is, what else would it be? Emma, stop worrying.* They drove down the road, and Emma stared at him. She knew something had gone wrong, terribly wrong. What if his mother changed her mind about letting him go to Brown? Emma could feel her stomach flip, and her heart slowly start to sink. But then, Shawn looked at her, and smiled. Not his usual, half-open, half-closed smile, but a huge smile, all this big gleaming white teeth shining into Emma’s eyes. All the sudden, Emma felt like her heart was full, like she couldn’t love Shawn anymore if she wanted to. She knew she had overreacted, he probably just couldn’t find a good desk for his dorm or something. As Shawn slide the car into park and removed the key, Emma looked at Shawn, and her eyes started to water.
“Babe, what’s wrong?” Shawn said.
“I drove by the elementary school today, on the way to DQ. It reminded me of the day we met, the day I knew I’d always love you. I just can’t believe were leaving this place, even though we’re going together. I think that’s the only reason I’m even going to leave, because I have you.”
Shawn leaned over, grabbed her hand and said: “Would you kill me if I didn’t fell like going to a movie?”
“It’s like your reading my mind. Can’t we just go home?”
Shawn started the car again, and put it in reverse, and quickly grabbed Emma’s hand again. They drove home in silence, except for the sound was Emma sniffling. As they pulled back into the Dairy Queen to get Emma’s car, Emma quickly kissed Shawn and told him she would see him in 15 minutes at his house. They both got in their cars, but when they got to Cedar Drive, Shawn took a left. He was going to the elementary school. Emma knew right away: she didn’t follow him. She figured he just wanted to be reminded of it. *GOD DAMNIT EMMA! Why the hell isn’t your radio working? I just want to listen to a little Eve 6 “Here’s to the night.” I don’t want to leave this place, I don’t want to leave my family. I can’t leave my dad now. He’s just starting to get better, about to start going out again.* Emma turned left into Shawn’s driveway, and turned off the engine. She leaned her head down into the steering wheel, and slowly took a deep breath. She couldn’t cry in front of Shawn’s mother, what would she think of Brown then? Emma was aware that Shawn’s mother didn’t want him to go to Brown, she couldn’t worsen her chances.
Emma heard Shawn’s car pull in behind hers, lifted up her head and wiped away the tears. Shawn quickly ran and opened up her car door, and grabbed her hand. They walked in together, without a word. Emma greeted Shawn’s mother, who seemed to be crying earlier. Now she knew something had gone wrong. The only time Emma had ever heard of Shawn’s mother crying was when his dad ran off with that bimbo from the country club. She grabbed Shawn’s hand and started to pull him into the basement. She sat him down, looked him in the eyes and decided to put it bluntly:
“Shawn, what the fuck is up? I know something’s wrong and you totally lied to me about it in DQ.”
“Look Emma, I don’t know how to say this. I guess I should come right out and say it, but I really just don’t know how to tell you this.” Shawn replied, his eyes starting to hollow. Shawn just looked at Emma, her big brown eyes all filled with tears, one slowly rolling down her check. *I don’t want to hurt her, I love this girl so much. How can I tell her how much I love her without scaring her away? My god, I’m so overwhelmed. I just need to get away from it all. Where are my scissors? Damnit Shawn, stop thinking about that. That’s what got you into this whole mess. Now tell the girl.*
“Emma, you’re the light of my eyes. You’re the reason I’ve made it through these last four years, the reason my mom has made it through. You’ve been nothing but amazing to me, and my whole family. I’ve never felt so understood, so comfortable around someone as I do about you. You’ve been my best friend since the 3rd grade, and you still are to this day. What I am about to tell you isn’t easy for me to say, but I need your help through it. I can’t do this without you, and if you tell me you can’t help me, I might as well give up now. I’m so sorr…”
“Your about to break up with me, aren’t you? I can just feel it Shawn. But don’t, don’t do that. I love you so much, I can’t imagine going away next year without you by my side.” Emma replied, her voice breaking and the tears falling.
“Emma! Promise me you will never think that, never think that I ever wanted to or want to break up with you. I know how young we are, but we just make sense, we fit.” Shawn felt his hands shake inside hers.
“What are you saying then? I’m so confused Shawn, please just tell me.”
Shawn hesitated. Did he want to risk losing this girl? He wanted to do just the opposite, but he felt it was impossible. Who would want to be with some crazy kid that tries to kill himself? Not a girl like Emma, that’s for sure.
“Emma, this weekend I’m going away. I’m going away to a place for kids that... well, you know…” He felt his voice get small. “Kids that cut themselves. They go to this place to get help, to stop so they can live normal lives.” Their eyes met, and she just looked at him. When she couldn’t take it anymore, Emma buried her head into his chest, and let go of all emotion. She didn’t understand. Shawn was perfect, in her eyes. *How could someone I love be doing this? It’s all my fault, I should have stopped him. I’m not a good enough girlfriend. How could I let this happen to the one I love?*
“Shawn, it’s totally my fault. I should have been here for you. I’m so sorry.”
“Emma, don’t say that, don’t ever say that. I just started doing it in easy to see places. There is no way you could have known.” Emma just buried herself deep inside his arms, praying and hoping she never had to leave, but knew she had to. Not yet, please not yet. Don’t take him away from me yet. Emma stayed there, with Shawn and his mom until the last minute. They laughed together, cried together, and laid together. Emma and Shawn wanted to enjoy what they had, what little they had left. On Friday morning, they finished packing, and Shawn was gone. A few hours later, as Emma sat with Shawn’s mother, keeping her company, the doorbell rang. Emma insisted on answering it, got up and opened the door.
“May I help you?” Emma said, her voice still shaking from the emotions.
“Yeah, I have a package here, for a Mr. Shawn Baker.” Replied the UPS man.
“Oh, I guess I’ll sign. Thanks.” Emma walked into the house. She and Mrs. Baker opened up the box: inside was two sets of beige sheets for a twin sized college bed.