I Felt Better After I Did It

Today, I told the truth. I felt better after I did it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a pathological liar. I had become accustomed to lying about the same question each time I was asked it. I could say that I don't know why I did it, but that would be a lie. I lied because I didn't want to offend anyone. I lied because it felt like the right thing to do.

Today I just couldn't lie anymore. Today no one asked the question. Although I didn't hear anyone ask the question, I felt the question in my heart deep within my soul. So I answered it aloud and truthfully for the first time. The first time happened to be with my husband. We were talking about something totally off the subject. He had not asked the question. I answered anyway. I said, "I hate living here". His response was one of total silence, utter shock. For the first time in nearly a year I felt relaxed, unburdened.

You see, we moved to this small town a year ago. We moved from a large city to a town with no more than 5000 people. Everywhere I go, everyone I meet always asks the same question, "How do you like it here?". I could see that each of them expected me to love it. I mean who wouldn't? So I gave them what they wanted and expected to hear, "I love it. The pace is so slow". Only half of that statement was true. The pace is very slow. I always felt irritated after I said it. Irritated at them for asking, irritated at myself for lying.
Today I realized that I don't have to lie. I realized that it feels better to tell the truth regardless of the expectations of others.

I'm not going to tell them that I hate it. Hate the fact that I have to drive 30 minutes to shop. Hate the fact that everyone knows everyone else. Hate that everyone seems to be related in some way. Hate seeing everyone I work with shopping at the only Walmart within 40 miles. I will simply say that it's been an adjustment. I will say that it has been beneficial for my children, and that my husband no longer has to sit in his car for three hours a day driving to and from work. I can say for certain that happiness is having my family together. That is enough for me.