Zoe's Story Chapter III

"Ilisabeth is Anne's middle name, Nicole after you, Matthew after James and mine grandfather and James after my brother. It seemed like a good way to say thank you to all of you, for all you've done over these past nine months."
"Well, I for one am honored. We didn't really do that much, it was you who did the hard part."
"Ha. Ow. It hurts so much Nich." She started crying as another contraction hit.
"Breathe through it Zoe."
"You're a pretty good coach."
"Yeah Zoe, well you drug me to enough of those classes of yours." Zoe just smiled. The time for Zoe's delivery came and still no James or Anne. "Nicholas, Anne is supposed to be my coach, where is she! What am I going to do?" She started crying. Nicholas thought for a moment. "I'll be your coach. You said yourself that I'm pretty good, I know I can't sympathize the same way Anne could but still… it's better than nothing."
"Thanks again Nich. I don’t know what I'd do without you."
A few hours later Ilisabeth Nicole and Matthew James were born into the world. "I'm keeping them. I just can't give my babies away, even if it’s the right thing to do."
"We'll figure something out Zoe, together."
"Wake me up when James and Anne get here."
"Okay, you deserve a rest. You did well babe." Zoe promptly fell into a deep sleep and wasn't disturbed until James and Anne arrived two hours later.
"How is my sister Nich."
"She did a fantastic job today. She named them Ilisabeth Nicole and Matthew James. There is something you should know, she's going to keep them."
"Like heck she's going to. There is now way she is going to keep that jerk's babies."
"James" Anne interrupted. "They are just babies, innocent of their parentage." Anne gently chided.
"Well, we'll let her explain everything later." When the group entered her room, Zoe woke up.
"Oh James,” Zoe threw her arms around her big brother. "They're mine. And I just can't handle giving them up for somebody else to raise."
"Oh Zoe, we'll figure something out. I promise. As long as you're sure you can do this. I love you and I'm so proud of you"
"Thank you James. Come and see them you guys. They're so beautiful." They all agreed that they looked a lot like her and they really were beautiful. Nicholas sat by her until she finally fell asleep.
The following day, Nicholas came by her room again, this time with balloons, flowers, chocolate and some baby toys
“Well Zoe, I think you’re ready to go home today. What do you think?” Doctor Mueller asked.
“I think we’re ready too.” Zoe smiled anxious to get home after four days in the hospital. Her parents had come on the second day but were soon sent away, by Nicholas, after upsetting her. Diane and Sean offered to pay for anything she would need, including the hospital bill.
Zoe signed the discharge papers and was ushered to waiting car. Nicholas drove Ilisabeth, Matthew and Zoe to the apartment where James and Anne were preparing for their arrival.
Later that evening, after the twins were laid down for the night, did everyone get a chance to sit and relax. Zoe curled up next to Nicholas on the love seat while James and Anne sat on the sofa. “We have some news,” Anne began. “James and I have been thinking and we’ve decided to get married next Saturday.” She blurted out excitedly.
“Wow, that’s so cool you guys.” Zoe went over to give them both a hug before returning to Nicholas’ side.
“We want you to be our maid-of-honor and best man.” James told them.
“Aw, I’d be honored Anne. But are you sure?”
”Yes, you already know my immediate family died in the fire and the rest of them and I don’t get along and no other good friends.”
A while later, after Anne had left, Nicholas carried the exhausted Zoe into her room, after tucking her in he returned to the living room.
“You really love her don’t you?” James asked the lovesick Nicholas.
“Yeah, I do; I just wish she did too.”
“It seems like everyone sees it but her.”
”It’s more like she doesn’t want to believe it. She’s been through so much; I just want everything for her future to be happily-ever-after.” Just then they heard the sound of crying babies and saw Zoe emerge from her room to tend to their hungry cries. While Zoe fed Ilisabeth, Nicholas held little Matthew and watched in awe how graceful, kind and patient Zoe was with her children. After feeding, burping and changing their diapers she sat down beside Nicholas, who was now holding Ilisabeth. James politely excused himself to bed. “I can’t get over at how tiny they are, and yet so perfect; they look like you Zoe.”
”Thank you Nicholas; you don’t know how much that means to me.” She smiled up, got up and put her kids in their cribs and went back to her room. Once safely in her room she let herself think of the conversations she had overheard between James and Nicholas. He really wants and loves me. I’ve loved him since the start, but I thought he wouldn’t want me, since his God wants them to marry virgins. Well, at least somebody loves me, because I don’t. I feel so used, abused and dirty. It’s awful that nothing can come of this relationship. What to do… Zoe fell asleep asking herself that question over and over again.
On Saturday, the group met at city hall and met before the justice of the peace. The simple ceremony was followed by dinner at Bertillini’s. After dinner, Zoe and Nicholas went to the apartment, with the twins, while James and Anne headed to the airport for a week long honeymoon in the Bahamas. On the car ride home, Nicholas pondered James’ last words to him. “Take care of my baby sister, I’m entrusting them to you. Try to show her your love. She’ll come around son.”
”I hope you’re right James. Now go and have some fun.” While Nicholas was thinking of James’ words, Zoe thought about the love she and Nicholas shared. He can’t ever know I love him. I’m too dirty for a guy like him she thought to herself. All alone in her own painful thoughts, Zoe almost didn’t realize when they pulled up in front of the apartment. He helped Zoe out of the car, got Ilisabeth out of her car seat at the same time as Zoe got Matthew. They put the twins in their cribs, for their nap, and sat on the couch together.
“I’m happy for them. At least somebody in this family is going to be happy.” Zoe remarked.
“You deserve to be happy too Zoe. You can and should be happy.”
”I don’t know Nich, things are complicated now.”
”Still…”
“I don’t know what to do, I don’t think I should stay here. I know James and Anne would never force me out but they’re newlyweds. They ought to be able to be alone. Besides, with the babies being up half the night, they shouldn’t have us here to bother them.” Zoe was a wreck, she didn’t know what was left and what was right. “Nich, I’m so lost; James and Anne should be able to have peace and quiet during the beginning of their marriage. The couple shouldn’t have to deal with crying twins in the middle of the night, poopy diapers and spit-up.” Nicholas just held her as he’d done so often in the past.
“You know what Zoe, sometimes I wish we could go back into the past. But we can’t go back. God’s plan for us includes our past. Sometimes I sit and think if I could change the past- what would it be like? But then I realize if something were to change then, something would have to change now. That something could be us being friends or not and I wouldn’t want that. I couldn’t handle that Zoe.” He looked into her desperate eyes. “I love you Zoe, not the brother-sister love either. He kissed her then, with tenderness and all the love he felt for her.
“Nicholas” she sighed against his lips. I’m not good enough for you. You deserve someone who’s pure and can give you your own children- you deserve somebody who’s not dirty, like me. I’m just another soiled dove.” She began to cry in earnest, before Nicholas could pull her to him, she jumped up from the couch and ran into her room and locked the door behind her.
“Zoe, why can’t you see that I think you’re perfect the way you are? I love you.” Nicholas whispered to the empty room. It was hard for him to see the hurt in Zoe’s eyes; he wanted to protect her from all the hurts in the world. Nicholas stood and went to James’ bedroom- his room for the next week, until James and Anne returned from their honeymoon.
The following morning was a strained affair, Zoe looked tired (the twins had been up most of the night) and depressed with her red swollen eyes.
“How about you go back to bed and rest for awhile longer. I’ll watch over Matthew and Ilisabeth for you.” Zoe smiled her thanks and went back to her room. “All right kiddies, it looks like it’s just you and me while your mommy sleeps.” Nicholas picked up, one in each arm and went into the living room; sitting on the rocker he began reading a story to them. A story of a princess captured by an evil nemesis; the princess was faced with many trials. Somehow the princess overcame her captor and was released to go back to her home. Once she was home though, her life just wasn’t the same. She felt unworthy of living within the castle and felt lonely and unloved. Only by finding her true self was she able to overpower the dirty mark the captor had left on her. She was able to see those around her in a new light- that they loved her and were there for her. And she allowed the handsome prince to marry her, marrying for true love… and they lived happily ever after.
Seeing that the twins were sleeping, he put them into their crib and went to finish his breakfast in silence. Nicholas pondered the situation he and Zoe were in. What would come of their relationship? What would become of Zoe, if she continued to live in the shell of an existence she was in right now?
A few hours later, after Nicholas cleaned up the breakfast table and the twins; Zoe re-emerged looking better. She saw Nicholas asleep on the couch with a sleeping baby safely tucked in each arm. Zoe sat in the nearby rocker and allowed her mind to drift. Drift to a time and place where nothing bad ever did or ever could happen. Zoe wondered what her life would be like right now if none of the bad things had happened to her; probably going to an elite university on a full scholarship, without any babies and more than likely, no Nicholas. Life really wasn’t that bad, she had a brother and sister-in-law who would be there no matter what, two adorably twins and a guy who actually loved her. The only thing standing in the way of her and the man of her dreams was her purity. Nicholas deserved a young virgin girl who wasn’t burdened by children.
She picked up Ilisabeth, as she began to stir, and started feeding her. As she nestled back, she allowed her thoughts to drift to Anne and James. There was a couple who truly loved and deserved each other. Zoe blushed when she became conscious that Nicholas was staring at her. His own thoughts had been in space. At how lovely she was, and so perfect, perfect for him.
Zoe laid Ilisabeth back in Nicholas arms and took Matthew, for his turn to eat.
”You look better Zoe.” He smiled at her.
“Thanks, I feel better.” She blushed. Zoe became alarmed when Matthew refused to eat. “Oh baby- what’s wrong?” She felt his burning forehead.
“What’s wrong Zoe?”
“I’m not sure. But I think we need to get to the hospital. NOW!” They went downstairs to Nicholas’ car and put Ilisabeth into her car seat. Zoe held Matthew near, on the drive to the hospital.
An hour later Zoe found herself in the chapel at the hospital’ “Lord,” she prayed. “I don’t know what to do. The doctors say my little Matthew has an infection in his lungs and that the next few hours are going to be critical. Oh, Lord. Help me. Help my baby, I love him so much. I don’t know how you watched your son die. But please, just please.” She finished her prayer and sat back, about that time a young man about her age came in and sat behind her.
He noticed her crying and put his hand on her shoulder to comfort her. “My name’s Mike. Maybe you’d like to share your problems; my friends say that I’m a great listener.”
That was all the invitation she needed. For some unknown force seemed to pull her story, struggles, woes and all, from the depths of her soul. Zoe poured out everything about herself. “Wow… Sorry I didn’t mean to share all of that. It all just came out.”
“No, no” Mike reassured her. “It’s quite alright. Actually your story is much like my wife’s. Her name is Grace. She was raped at an early age too, got pregnant but lost her baby. It took me a very long time to convince her to marry me. Grace felt she wasn’t good enough for me, that I deserved somebody better.”
“How did you convince her?” Zoe asked, eager for the answer