The Abyss

Sneaky, but effective. And yes, I have perfected a method of turning sideways to disappear. Sometimes I roll myself up in a tube and let the breeze do my traveling for me. -- ΚΙΣVΣ

It worked! I must learn to trust my ways. ... I turn inside out to disappear. Ms P never disappears. She is stuck in an endless cycle of appearing. -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

TA DA! I have appeared again! -- Grandma Penguin needs help

I kind of expected that. But do you think you could stop blowing that toy trumpet every time you appear? You are scaring my cat. -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

Sorry, I was wondering why my cat was glaring at me, too. *puts trumpet away* -- Grandma Penguin needs help

I am no one's PET! *prepares to scratch, hiss and throw a fit* -- catty

Don't worry. With that attitude you will NEVER be anyone's pet. -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

*scratches catty behind the ears* Calm down, it's ok. No one is going to try to tame you. -- Grandma Penguin needs help

Hmmph! I should think not! No touching the ears...well, ok, maybe a little touching the ears... -- catty

Did you really just touch my ears? -- catty

With ears that size how could I NOT touch them? Have you considered getting an ear tuck operation? -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

Never! My tufts are world renowned! -- catty

Well, they used to be. Don't really know anymore, the world keeps shrinking and all that. -- catty

I blame mad scientists. They keep screwing around with particle physics, trying to break the Law of Conservation of Matter, and a little more of the planet goes *poof!* every day. It adds up. -- ΚΙΣVΣ

I guess we should be thankful that so far it's just *poof!* because one day it might be *KER-WHAM!* -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

They do the KER-WHAM too. Mostly near Geneva. The internet just got bored with Hadron Collider jokes so you don't hear about it much these days. -- ΚΙΣVΣ

I think the problem was "Hadron". The internet does not like obscure Latin names. If they had only named it the Booty Popper Collider then maybe the internet would not have snubbed it. -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

I'm not sure I could handle a Booty Popper Collider. Sounds like something more likely to split seams than atoms. Stretching the fabric of the universe is one thing, ripping it asunder quite another. -- ΚΙΣVΣ

But what if at the end of it all the universe got a brand new pair of pants? That would make it all worth it, wouldn't it? -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

This is why you should never give the universe your credit card. Do you know how much a universe-sized pair of pants would cost? D: -- ΚΙΣVΣ

Good point! I'm crossing the Universe off my Christmas gift list. Maybe I'll give the Galaxy something. I don't know. It hasn't been a very profitable year for me. -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

Is the galaxy any less dependent than the universe? -- catty

Dependent? The galaxy once begged me to milk it. "I'm not touching that!" I said. -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

Just because the Universe has some size issues, doesn't mean you need to totally ignore it. The Universe has feelings too, Steve. -- Singular Scribbler

Ignore is not the right word. Let's say avoid. We're talking about something a zillion times my size that has emotional problems. That can't be safe to be around. -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

What would be the fun in that? Safe to be around... *snort* I think Steve has lost his nerve. -- catty

"Something a lot bigger than me that has emotional problems" -- every little kid's definition of "parent" ... -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

Kids don't want to define their parents, they just want to eat, buy things, play and be left alone. -- catty

Uh oh, you have been totally aware of what the kids are really up to, haven't you? Do you think the entire 60's thing would have ever happened if kids didn't define their parents? -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

I myself was born in the 60's, I am very much a product of my parents' generation! (let's see you figure that one out) -- catty

I can't. I was born in the "we ain't got no math skills" generation. And I said "aware" when I meant "unaware" in my post. So I ain't got many verbal skills either. -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

See how you are!! I am just going to think loving thoughts here. *Loving thoughts* -- catty

What are loving thoughts? You might be the person who can answer that question. Is it just blanket approval? -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

No, it's more like guilt-laden acceptance of an altered reality assigned by someone who deigns to notice you're not dressed quite like others but allows you to pass through the open maw of the doorway, just to see what your reaction will be. That's love. -- catty

I think someone would be hard pressed to define one style of dress amongst this crazy crew. Someone's always on fire, there are tutus everywhere and someone stole my wizard's cloak! -- Singular Scribbler

Not to forget those awful clanking battlesuits that have you drenched in sweat and wondering whether your urine bag has reached its fill limit yet. -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

Those are self-deflating, aren't they? -- catty

I see you have also had to meet the foe with wet legs. It does put you into a fighting mood. -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

You have seen wet cats, right? It is not a pretty picture. **Shudders** -- catty

My problem is getting fecal matter out of my fur. It's such a pain and I can't pretzel my spine like I used to. -- Singular Scribbler

Those were the days. Of course, back then you seldom got fecal matter in your fur. Ah, life! You have what you need when you don't need it and then don't have it when you do need it. -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

You never know what you've got until it's gone, and you never know what is gone until you know what you've got. Yeah. -- Singular Scribbler

It's all uh, fecal matter anyway! -- catty

No it isn't! Some of it is pre-fecal matter. -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

Pre-fecal matter often has fecal matter to thank for what it's become. Does that make it post-fecal matter? -- Singular Scribbler

It has something to do with the great circular chain of fecal matter. Without a lion to consult, I 'm not sure I can accurately speculate. Of course, if you just want me to defecate, then I'm your guy! -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

What's the world coming to? When I was your age, Steve, lion consultants were a dime a dozen. -- Singular Scribbler

If you used to be my age you must be dead now. Sure, CHEAP lion consultants are a dime a dozen, but who wants to consult with some mangy zoo reject who could only be king of a jungle gym? -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

When was the last time you wrested control of a jungle gym from the beast-like hoards of children on their sugar highs? That's no joke, man. -- Singular Scribbler

How many small children does it take to defeat a lion? Unanswered question from the book of "Experiments that need funding... and lots of secrecy" -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

Simple. Children required to sate a lion's hunger + 4 = Children needed to defeat a lion. Of course, the ages of the children could influence this basic equation. -- Singular Scribbler

No toddlers need apply. Except for use as appetizers. -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

And then there are those who shall remain in the shadows, the Goth teens. the youth of the world to whom puncturing, branding and inking of skin is encouraged in shady garages and suspect vans. They would chase down your lion and the lion would flee! -- catty

What was I on when I wrote that last line? Man, I need to find more of it!!! -- catty

Well, I didn't find anymore of whatever it is that is missing, but that's probably for the best since in made even less sense than usual. -- catty

Do you come here every year? -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

Why no, Steve. I don't come here every year. Just often enough to mess up the cobwebs and scatter the dust bunnies. -- catty

How about you? Come here often? -- catty

Only when I have extra cobwebs and dust bunnies to distribute. -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

Well, then, you better get busy. There's at least an inch of clean floor space in the kitchen. -- catty

And probably a full quarter inch over behind the stove. -- catty

But nothing more than a full quarter inch. -- catty

*sitting, waiting, anticipation is keeping me waiting.....* -- catty

Hello? -- catty

*Silence, like a heavy blanket lay over the I&O. Nary a breeze caresses the delicate webbing in the corners and the dust bunnies remain undisturbed.* I don't like this silence. it's like you know something is ready to pounce, but is waiting for the music -- catty

Plays eerie muzak -- catty

POUNCE! -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

*Steps to the right* Do you need help getting up? -- catty

Must have knocked him out cold. *proceeds to draw silly eyebrows on Steeve* -- catty

*floorboards creak ominously...* -- ΚΙΣVΣ

*wakes up in a sweat* ... Geez! How long was I out? -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

Out? You assume there is an exit. No one escapes. Ever. -- ΚΙΣVΣ

Oh no! I'm not out! I'm in! -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

But there is neither in nor out. There is neither an entrance nor an exit. One just has to stand outside and gawp. Gawping is encouraged but not mandatory. However, the eating of three day old pizzas is definitely discouraged. -- ☮ The Grum Of Grums

Your pizza only lasts three days? Sheesh. Mine typically have a shelf-life of at least a week. -- ΚΙΣVΣ

Hmmm... I've never had a pizza survive more than 24 hours. Am I shopping at the wrong pizza shop? Are they selling me suicidal pizzas? -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

Suicidal pizza, now there's a concept. I wonder if you could order it topped with Prozac? -- ΚΙΣVΣ

Prozac might take the tang out of the tomato sauce and who knows what it would do to the Pepperoni? I say if a pizza wants to die, then who am I to stand in its way? I'm not the Pizza God. He works the midnight shift at Papa John's. -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

Papa Johns is proof there is no Pizza God. Blech. -- ΚΙΣVΣ

How can you resist a free pepper and cup of garlic dip? -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

Garlic dip sounds like something you'd use to interrogate vampires. -- ΚΙΣVΣ

And boy do they start talking when you show them that dip! They confess to crimes they didn't even commit. -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

I'm trying to think of a good pun about vampires and Guantanamo, but I just can't do it - vampires aren't funny :( -- ΚΙΣVΣ

Then you've never rolled their coffin outside at noon on a sunny day and flipped the lid off. Hilarious! They wrinkle up like an overcooked potato chip. -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

Eh, the smell of burning undead kinda ruins it for me. Although it does keep the mosquitoes away... -- ΚΙΣVΣ

And mosquitoes who become vampires are the worst kind of mosquito of them all. It gives me the creeps to hear their tiny voice in my ear: "I vant to suck your blood!" -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

Did you know that mosquitos prefer type "O" blood or pregnant women? True story. Don't know why. I do know I'm O neg. So that sucks. LOL -- catty

I'm O neg too. This is why I stay indoors as much as possible. -- Grandma Penguin needs help

Zikaaaaaaaaaaa.... ZIKAAAAAAA! -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

I'm not sure what my blood type is, but at least I'll never be a pregnant woman! -- ΚΙΣVΣ

Don't overlook the magnificent advancements being made in genetic engineering. -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

You frighten me sometimes. -- Grandma Penguin needs help

Wait until I'm pregnant. -- Steev the Friction Wizurd

If I'm feeling generous, I might share my pickles with you. Unfortunately, I have no ice cream... -- AJ wants U 2 meet The CanMan!

It's so quiet in here. -- Grandma Penguin needs help

Hello? Hello? Hello? -- Grandma Penguin needs help

Hello, Hello, Hello. My name’s is Echo and I’ve lost Narcissus. -- ☮ The Grum Of Grums

No Narcissus over here, sorry! -- Grandma Penguin needs help

Hello? Anyone here? -- Grandma Penguin needs help

No,no,no one here at all. Everyone has taken a powder. -- ☮ The Grum Of Grums