life as an other

The bold italic is a paper she is writing, the bold is past memories, and the regular text is the present. I thought this might make it easier to understand this.


“In time people forgot we were real. In the beginning we were just what we are. We were never hunted, never mocked and put into movies as the bad guys. We are the animals. Most commonly the Werewolves are portrayed. The rest of us are left alone and considered impossible. I found out what I was when I hit puberty. What a lovely way to find out I was different. I am a Were. I am a panther.”

***
The night was warm and it had just stopped raining. I could smell that it wasn’t finished and that there would be more rain to come. Somehow before I realized what had happened, we were kissing. Aware of no one else but us, we pressed our bodies close. I could hear his heart beating; I could feel his blood pumping in his veins. When the pleasure and wanting flooded out it overwhelmed me. I felt my body respond in a way I had never dreamed of and pulled away. We stared into each others eyes in full comprehension. My urges took over my mind. I couldn’t think about what I was doing. I bit his neck ever so gently before we were interrupted by his friend. And before I went inside I cursed the moon.

***

“For you see, when the moon is full or new; I get the cravings, the pains, and the needs. To tell the full truth, no one but another like me can fulfill them. I was afraid of who and what I was then. But I’m not anymore. I embrace myself and don’t fight it.
No one can know that we are real. We can never tell anyone. We are all a secret, a secret kept to the greatest extent. We live by our own rules, no one else’s. To break our own rules that we have set is the worst possible sin we can do. They are strict and unbending. To others it might seem as though we have no rules. But that is because we don’t believe as they do. We are your next-door neighbors, best friends, significant others, and even spouse. But you would never know. There are so few of us left in this world. We live to keep the innocent safe. We are unbridled by the human mind, impulses, and feelings.
We seek others like us so we don’t feel alone. But we are not cults. We are not devil worshipers or atheists…”

***

I sensed the guys’ eyes on me and knew that if I turned around and look their eyes would be dreamy; even some trying to hide that they were undressing me in their minds. And because of my excellent hearing, I could hear the girls across the room whispering to each other asking why all the guys are paying someone like me that much attention. I knew the girls, they were preps.
As the bell rang ending the class and school for the day, I ripped up the paper I was writing and walked confidently down the hallway to my locker. While putting up my books, my friend Sean walked up and looked past me to the guys that grouped a couple of lockers down just to watch and talk about me.
“Charm…” he said while shaking his head. “I’m glad I don’t have that much!”
“Well it wasn’t my idea to be what I am.” I looked up at him and started walking to my car. “Well, I’ll meet you at my house later.”
I lit my cigarette as soon as I got across the street from the school. I didn’t have to look back to know the guys had followed me out the building. They did it everyday, stand and watch me walk to my car. As soon as I got into my car, I started thinking about the paper I had started writing, the one I threw away. I wanted desperately to write about it. How could I not, it was a big part of my life. But then there is the rule of secrecy.

***

“I have noticed something about my kind. We all end up smoking something or other. For the ones in this town with me, it is cigarettes… It seems to make us feel better and more at ease and grounded. We sometimes feel like hurting some of the people around us for what they label us as to make them feel better. It is quite irritating to be called a Satanist or that we are bad people. If they knew what we were, they would put us all on medication and lock us away as insane people.”

***