Distant Love

She checked her email and still no response. Could this be it? Could the last two years been nothing but a fantasy in her mind? In a way she hoped it was for the sake of her marriage. She closed her computer and went about her daily business. She would check it again later.

She started to clean the kitchen trying to keep herself busy. Actually to keep her mind busy. All she could do was think about him. For the past two years, all she could do was think about him. She knew deep down in her heart that it wasn't right and that it was almost like she was cheating on her husband of six years, but she just couldn't help it. She loved her husband, but sometimes that love just didn't seem to be enough.

She needed someone to talk to, but there was no one there. She often wondered if she should tell her husband about the way she was feeling, but then realized what the circumstances would be. This is something that she had no choice but to keep to herself.

She finished with her dishes and wiped down the counter. She glanced over at her computer debaiting whether or not she should check her email or not. She decided not to and began her cleaning again.

She walked over to the radio in her kitchen and turned it on. "Maybe a little music will make me feel better." She said to herself. Soon her mind was on the music and not so much on him, but not for long.

She knows that nothing could ever come out of this due to the fact that both of them are married. They both have a family to think about. She just didn't know what it was about this man that seperates him from her husband. Maybe it's the way he looked at her, or the fun they had when he was around. She had to talk to someone, anyone. She had to get this off her chest.

She turned around from the sink and went to pick up the phone. As she was grabbing it, it rang. It shocked her so much that she dropped it on the counter. She picked it back up and saw that it was her husband, Jeff.

"Hello." She answered.

"Hey, what's up?" Jeff replied.

"Nothing, just cleaning the kitchen." She told him. She walked outside on the porch with the phone and lit a cigerette.

"Just wanted to call to let you know I'm probably gonna have to work a little late. Probably 'til 3:30. Had a problem with one of the trucks at work so I have to stay and finish it." Jeff told her.

"Ok, I'll be here. Bye." She hung up the phone and sat down on the swing. She flipped open her phone and checked her email again. She smoked her cigerette while she waited for the internet to load.

She crossed her fingers as she watched the page load. When the page loaded, she scrolled down through the emails. She gave a sound of dissapointment when there still was no email from John. She closed her phone and just sat there smoking her cigerette.

She often wondered how this happened. She thought back to when they first met. It was at the neighbors house and her and Jeff were there along with John and his wife. They were all playing cards and having a good time, except Jeff, he didn't drink. Soon after that Jeff started coming over to her house.

They would go four-wheelin together and just have a good time. Something her husband never did with her. He didn't care about riding together and having fun in the mud. Soon every weekend her and John were riding four-wheelers and spending more and more time together.

She could tell by the way he looked at her that there was some kind of spark between them. She tried to deny it for a long time, but it just wouldn't go away. She looked forward to the weekends because she knew that she would see John again. That is until his wife made him move. Then the weekends didn't matter much to her.

Soon the weekends weren't worth waiting for. She didn't go riding as much as she used to. She felt withdrawn from everyone and everything. John would come up every once in a while and her spirits would rise. They would spend the evening at her neighbors house playing cards and having a few drinks. She tried to invite Jeff so that it didn't seem to obvious, but he never wanted to go.

She never told John how she felt until one night she had a dream about him. A dream that was so intense, it made her wake up in the middle of the night. The next day, she emailed him and told him that she was just thinking about him and that she had a dream about him.

She wasn't expecting anything out of this. She couldn't keep this to herself anylonger. She knew he had to know, felt that he had a right to know. Soon after the email, he called her, and ever since then, they have been talking back and forth and emailing eachother. They tried to think of ways to be alone together, but nothing ever worked out.

Then all of the sudden the emails and phone calls seemed to come to a halt. This was driving her crazy. She needed to hear his voice so bad that it was driving her insane. When he wouldn't return her emails, she wrote him one last email. She told him that she doesn't want to bother him if he is no longer interested. But she didn't want any of this to end either. She said to him that if she didn't hear from him after this email she knew that he didn't feel the same anymore.

So now she sits and waits. It's been two day since she wrote that email and the waiting is torture. She often thought if she could leave her husband for this man and the answer always came back as yes. John treats her the way she wants to be treated. Her husband finds that showing affection makes him less of a man. She always seemed to be more happy with John than Jeff.

She got up from the swing and went back in the house. Maybe she should go and talk to her neighbor about it. Maybe getting this off her chest would make her feel better, but then she thought that wouldn't be a good idea. Things might get back to Jeff and then she would be in real trouble.

She might as well face it, he isn't going to call or email her back. Somehow things have changed. Maybe because they are both married and they are too far away. Who knows what the reason could be. She sat down on the couch and started to cry. She sat there for so long, that she didn't even hear Jeff come home.

He walked into the living room and saw her crying. "What's wrong with you?" He asked her.

She looked up with a startled look on her face. "I didn't even hear you come in." She told him as she wiped her eyes. "Nothing is wrong. I just wasn't feeling good that's all." She knew she wouldn't be able to keep lying about this. He was bound to find out sooner or later.

"Why aren't you feeling good? Something you ate?" He asked.

"Oh you know, just woman stuff. Nothing you would be interested in." She replied and got up from the couch. She went into the kitchen, stood there by the sink and looked out the window. The decision to tell him was very close in her mind. But she refraimed from doing so.

"Well, I'm going outside. Call me when it's time to eat." He told her as he walked out of the room.

"Sure...no problem." She told him.

She watched him walked out and then let out a sigh of relief. She flipped open her phone again and checked her email one more time. She closed her eyes and waited for it to load. When she opened her eyes the page was done. She began flipping through them again. Her eyes got huge as she seen the familiar message.

She started to smile as she opened it up. "I shouldn't get my hopes up, it could be bad news." She told herself.

She began to read the email outloud....'Hey. Sorry I didn't get back to you any sooner, but I've been very busy. I got your email and I can understand why you would be frustrated. To answer your question, things haven't changed for me. I've just been so busy with work, that I haven't had the time for anything or anyone. I'm sorry if you feel like I've been neglecting you. You have been on my mind everyday. I want us to get together soon, too. But is it going to be possible with Jeff around? It's easier for me to get away from my wife than it is for you to get away from Jeff. I can't talk long, but I want you to know that I still feel the same way about you and I miss you. I promise that we will see eachother real soon. All my love, John.'

She closed her phone with a huge smile on her face. She felt so much better knowing that he still felt the same. She now knew what she had to do, but the question is, can she do it?